one giant step for jude-kind

it's official, jude is a school boy.

i never thought the day would come that jude would be old enough for pre-school (sometimes it seemed it would not come soon enough and others that it couldn't stay far enough way). it was hard to believe that i was going to let him go, he's my best friend. but on tuesday my little judakins went to his first day of pre-school.

jude really did not want to go. he kept telling me that school was tomorrow, not today. he said that he was tired and that he wanted to stay home with mommie and greta. it broke my heart to make him go but i knew its where he needed to be. mostly, i think he was nervous. the fact that he got to wear his new "school clothes" made it a little easier but this was a hard thing for jude to get his head wrapped around.

as we waited our turn in our car to drop him off i kissed his little hand hoping he would remember the story we have been reading to help prepare him. i watched him look nervously around at what was going on. when his door opened and a pre-school helper kindly took his hand asking him if he was ready for school, he gently nodded and got our of the car. about 5 seconds later i think he realized what happened and started sobbing for me. i had to pull away, it was someone else's turn. i drove away in tears and i really hoped he would be okay. i knew he would, he had to be strong.

thirty minutes after we had dropped him off we got call from the pre-school saying that he was still crying and was quite sad. they just wanted to let us know what was going on and assured me that this sort of thing happens. they told me he was beginning to settling down and that if i didn't hear from them again it was a good sign. i was sick to my stomach for my boy for the next 2 1/2 hours .i was the first to pick him up and he came prancing out with a grin from ear to ear. his teacher told me he did fine after he knew she had talked to me. i could tell he did enjoyed himself from his beaming smile. i don't think either jude or i had ever been so proud of him. it was a small step for him to cross the threshold to his pre-school but a giant step for jude-kind leaving his mother's care.... even if it is for only 3 hours a day 2x a week!

i clearly felt quite differently about my first day of pre-school..... i had 3 older siblings that i knew went to school and then came home again. i probably thought it was the greatest idea ever. poor jude had no idea what school was and that i would be back to pick him up. we'll see how he does today. he doesn't want to go so we aren't talking about it. hopefully day 2 will go more smoothly.

my big boy jude,

i am so proud of you today.

i adore you.

it's going to be okay... i promise.

thanks for making me happy when skies are gray.

xo,

mommie

a life less ordinary

after a crazy lunch with brookie at mcdonalds and a frantic target run (jude disappeared at target and they calling a code adam, only to find him 15 min. later with transformer in tow wondering why mommie was crying) i realized i have no business leaving the house with my 2 children, much less with brooke's babies as well. we went from being sisters having fun to mom's trying to have fun with crazy children on the loose (ie. jude and mimsi). needless to say, i am not anxious to leave my house with the children without my husband anyone time soon.

i am not quite sure how i got here. did i really sign up for this life? trevan and i fell in love so quickly and we loved each other almost too much and got married 2 years later. very soon after we were married i had the crazy idea that we should try for a baby (much sooner than trevan signed up for i might add) and 9 months later our sweet baby boy was born. it was a happy 18 months with just us and jude, pretending to be a family. it was kind of like playing house but better because it was real. after about 18 months we had an even crazier idea that we should add another little creation to the mix and after some heartache we got our daughter, the prets. she was a heartache of her own but a delight none the less. fast forward to 16 months later and here i am.

we are still in love but we are SO not playing house anymore. it is all to real to be pretend. the worst part is, our kids think we know what we are doing. i feel as though i have no idea what i am doing, and in all reality i do not. jude is really hard sometimes, harder than i ever imagined. i wonder as he sleeps so beautifully in his bed at night how i could ever be that mad at him, how i could ever spank his cute little butt, or how i could ever want to literally sell him back to the gypsies that i am so positive he came from. i wonder how i ever became okay with changing diarrhea diapers day in and day out and wiping man poop off of a 3 year old bum? how did i go from sleeping in to waking up at dawn to my adoring children's faces(and being okay with it)? how did i get to a point in my relationship with trevan that he became my husband, you know the kind you fight with? how did i become knowledgeable about tantrums, diaper rashes, teething, birthmarks, developmental milestones, and neurological disorders? when did i start caring about bills and how they would get paid? how did i become a professional 'transformer' transformer? did i really sign up for all of this?

the answer is yes, yes i did sign up for all of this. i may have not read the fine print but i am glad i didn't. because with all the heartache, fighting, and turmoil that has taken place there is this beautiful thing that has become my life and though it feels so ordinary its not, its so not ordinary because it is my life. its very unique and special. i am responsible for the outcome of this little family that i have been entrusted with. this life of mine is not quite the one i imagined or dreamed for...... its better because its real. i have experienced the highs and low and all the in between's. i have lived them. those experiences have shaped me into a much more patient, loving, wiser, and confident person than i ever thought i would be. this whole married life/mothering thing is the best thing that ever happened to me. its has brought out the real me, the one my lord intended me to be. i love my life. i am lucky lucky lucky to have it. i can only hope i am just doing it right.

i have to go now, jude is yelling at me to come wipe his bum.

p.s. who had the bright idea to give children babies?

love and marriage (5 years)

i got to marry my trevan 5 years ago today. i remember so much about this day. it was carefully planned for 6 months and no detail was missed. my wedding was so amazing and everything i ever imagined (maybe more). i am grateful for parents (ie. mom) that put everything aside just so their daughters could have beautiful weddings, and we all did.

however, 5 years later the most memorable part of it all is none of the fancy details we so carefully planned. the most cherished memory is that of kneeling over the alter looking into my true loves eyes as he gently wiped my tears of joy from my cheek. i knew at that moment how perfect our love was and how it had to stand the test of time. we have had our share of trials and tests of devotion in our short 5 years of marriage but i am glad to say that today i love my husband no less than i did the day we made our love eternal. perhaps, i love him more.

in honor of our 5 years i would like to mention some of our top 5 good and bad times {in to particular order}...

GOOD TIMES

1. buying our first home together

2. bringing two adorable children into this world

3. going to new york

4. staying up way to late talking and playing footsies in bed

5. always waking up happy with each other (no matter how mad we went to bed at each other)

BAD TIMES

1. trevan's reaction to me being pregnant with jude

2. greta's false diagnosis

3. numerous bickering's

4. my post-partem depression

5. not knowing how to be parents

Happy Anniversary Trevan!

and here's to 100 more.......

"i'll take the good times. i'll take the bad times. i'll take you just the way you are."

- billy joel

my man's birthday

trevan turns 28 today.

28 feels old because when i met trevan he had just turned 21. i have seen trevan turn from a single young man with no worries into a man that deals with a crazy wife, 2 busy children, a mortgage, bills, and anything else that comes his way and he does it all with ease. i have to say i think he is like a stinky cheese (i have never had wine so i can't compare him to that) and he just gets better with age. i adore my trevy.

some of my favorite things about trevan are.....

-his love for anything jackson hole/yellowstone

-his natural ability with all children

(thats abe b.t.w.)

-how cute he is.

(i was literally blown away by his handsomeness the second i met him)

- that he pierced his ears for his girlfriend.

fyi.... his earrings at 16 year were nearly a deal breaker for me. jk.

trevan is a great man and i am so lucky he waited around for me to make up my mind. he was the right choice, the perfect choice, and the best decision i ever made. i love him, even when i don't.

happy 28th senor!

my daughter?

we all know that jude is a gregory through and through but people say greta looks more like me. i haven't really seen it but when i found these pictures i had to agree. turns out she is me, just a much nicer and more adorable version.

poor greta was cursed with my hair (and hair line). i have cut the back of greta's hair 4 times and obviously my mother let mine grow out. i think the cutting of greta's mullet is a wise decision. the back of our hair grows about 3x as fast as the rest of it. really, its quite bothersome.

of course, gretsie has her own look but its kind of really fun having someone that looks like you that you made.

flashback's

while at my mom's this past weekend i scanned some gem's and this week will be dedicated to those photos.

its a busy week this week..... trev's 28th and our 5th anniversary so stay tuned.

a binki story

last week after hearing a horror story of a 15 year old that still took a binki from my friend at work i came home bound and determined to rid jude of his best friend, his bink. it has been a long journey for us to get here. jude's binki has been with him since day one, it has seen him through 10 surgeries, one 3rd degree burn, many ear infections, one little sister, and a lot of hard times. his binki was his favorite source of comfort and i didn't want to be the one to take that comfort away from him.

we had tried everything (and i mean everything) to get rid of his binki but jude still wanted and got that damn pacifier. if you haven't met jude than you may not know how determined he is, he gets his way most of the time. i knew that it was past the point of just taking it away and that it would have to be his decision to be done with it. we had numerous conversations about how binki's were for babies, how it was ruining his teeth, and how we would reward him greatly for giving it up but he was not ready. yet for some reason last monday after i came home from work he was ready. i took him up to bed with me while trevan was tying some flies and he laid there with me, we read stories and snuggled and then he asked where his binki was and i told him dad would bring it up. he nodded off on my shoulder and slept soundly without his bink even as he was transfered to his own bed. when jude woke up in the morning he was shocked that he had slept without it and he made up his little mind right then and there that he was done with binki's. he snuck one of gretsie's later on that night but quickly noticed his crime and threw it across the room and hasn't had one sense. its been a week and i am proud to say that jude is finally binki free. i am beyond proud of him.

i'm not quite sure how we got here. my sweet baby judakins is no longer my baby. he's a big boy now, and don't try to tell him other wise. in very short 3.75 years we have left bottles, cribs, onesies, diapers, chubbiness, and binki's far behind in babyland. the only piece of babyhood that jude has left is one tattered and torn blanket that i am totally fine with him having for the rest of his life (i have mine after all). i don't know where the time has gone. in two weeks time my firstborn will head off to pre-school and he will start to learn and grow without me by his side. he will start his independence. it's all a little too much for me to handle and i think i wish that i could start all over again.

stop, just let time stop.

just for a minute (or forever).