sincerely, KENNAN

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

hi baby ez!

that is what greta says everytime she see's ezra.

he is kind of big deal in these parts.

food stained faces and after breakfast snuggles...

it's been a month with this sweet boy and sweet it has been.

i am so blessed to have had easy newborns. all of my kids sleep 5-6 hours pretty consistently within 2 weeks. ezra is no exception and this is really a treat since he is my first to nurse. which BTW, he is a professional at. i really hated nursing at first and told my self everyday i would quit the next day but here we are 5 weeks later and we are still going strong, mastitis and all. the first 2-3 weeks with my post-partum depression were rough, real rough. i managed (barely) to get by and thanks to a high dose of anti-depressants and an estrogen patch i am still here today. ezzie made the whole PPD thing easier because he was sleeping well and had plenty of people to love on him when i couldn't. ezra has a sweet disposition and only cries when he is naked or starving. ezzie deals well with his environment (i.e. an overbearing/adoring older brother, a sloppy sister, fighting siblings, rambunctious behavior, etc.). he is a happy little dude. he hates being alone, which is fine by me. we snuggle for the better part of the night and most of the day. i love my little smoosh. so far he has just been easy.... EASY E.

oh, and i have to say, i love having 3 kids. i thought i would hate it and that it would be horrible but i thought wrong. i was so worried i would not have enough love, i was worried how greta would do, i was worried about getting enough sleep, i was worried that ezra would be a hard baby.... turns out, i had nothing to worry about. i love having 3 precious little beings that i am responsible for. i love having 3 people think that the sun rises and sets with me... it's a big self confidence booster. i feel so loved and so blessed. it's enough to almost make me cry, which is saying a lot. my older kids have transitioned like the champs that they are. other than a few "rough spots" here and there, i would say i am really going to like this new life i have.

of course, having a beautiful baby doesn't hurt.

now, if i could only fit a few more hours in the day for me-time, laundry, and blogging.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

seriously?

mastitis.

kill me now.

Friday, February 25, 2011

ezzie on the iphone.

isn't he delicious?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

ezra: his birth story (part 2)

ez was in the NICU @ IMC for 3 days... the longest 3 days of my life. i guess i should be grateful that he was not in there any longer but when your child does not need to be in the NICU, its a different story.

what i forget to mention in my last post was that by the time the transport team got to american fork hospital (around 3 hours after he was born) ezra seemed to be turning a corner. his breathing was less labored and is o2 stats were looking better. the doctors all met and decided that as a "precautionary measure" he still needed to be transported. i begged and pleaded that they just wait a bit longer to see how he did but since the transport team was already there, i think they felt the should send him. listen, i am glad he was there in case did things did take a turn for the worse but also really mad that they didn't hear me out and wait a bit. the worst part is that because i had a c-section i could not be released until saturday, at the earliest. trevan would have to be at IMC with ezzie and i would have to be alone, with not baby.

as soon as they got to IMC ezra was doing well enough that he did not have to be on C-PAP anymore and 12 hours after that he was on room air. good thing they transferred him, right? i was even more upset when the pediatrician i had asked for (dr. glade, my pediatrician growing up) came to see me shortly after ezra left and told me that he would not have sent him that soon. good times. the next day we talked to the nurse practitioner at the NICU and she told me that ezra would possibly be able to be released on friday (he was born on wednesday) depending on how he did, how much he could eat, and how he tolerated food. i was sending up whatever breast milk i could get with trevan and when that wasn't enough they fed him formula. all through out thursday ez just kept getting better and better. that night, trevan told me that the doctors said ezra would be released in the morning and that he needed to remember to bring his car seat. i had never been so happy. i was going to meet my baby. i didn't sleep all night.

that morning as trevan arrived the big jerks told trevan they had decided that in order for ezra to be released he needed to eat 50 cc's in one feeding. ummm, FYI 50 cc's is a ridiculous amount of food for a 48 hour old baby. previously, ez had been eating around 25 cc's and they expected him to double that. trevan tried and tried to get him to eat that much but every time he got past 35 cc's he would puke. can someone explain to me how force feeding a newborn is healthy? really, i was so close to seeing my baby and then they go can pull a stunt like this on me? i was irate. i called sobbing and yelling at trevan all day long to try to get him to change their mind. trevan was so sweet in trying to deal with me but i knew that there was nothing we could do and it would be another few days until ezra could eat that much, therefore he would not be released. the doctor told us that since ezra had been "so sick" he needed to make sure he could eat. so sick? umm, he was fine and never needed to be there in the first place.

as trevan was getting to leave on friday night he fed ezra one last time and as he was talking to the nurse, little mr. ez downed his bottle... all 50 cc's. both trevan and the nurse were shocked but they knew what that meant, ezra could meet his mommie! when trevan called to tell me i nearly screamed. really, it was the best surprise ever. i called my mom as soon as i heard and had my kids there to meet their brother with me. ezra was released 2 hours later and at 10pm on friday night, 64 hours after he was born, i got to meet my son.

the best part is that i still technically had 2 more days in the hospital. i got to stay and have ez be my "visitor". i had help with nursing from the lactation specialist (ez is my first nurser). american fork hospital was great to us and the nurses were so cute and let ez have a little isolette to sleep in and brought him all sorts of goodies from the nursery. it was so nice to just have trev, me and ez for a moment. we all went home together on sunday morning and if you would of seen us leaving the hospital you never would have known how long and hard the previous 5 days were. i am so glad that the ending was sweet.

off of oxygen and looking amazing.

ezra and his namesake.

best daddie ever.

my little ezzie.

best hair ever.

soaking up all the ezra goodness.

my baby.

ecstatic siblings.

these 2 are old friends by now...

... and it shows.

all is well.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

ezra: his birth story (part 1)

ezra is 2 weeks old and i think i am to the point that i can talk about his birth. brooke gave me these pictures a few days ago and it was the first time i had seen them. the first time i thought about his birth. i cried really hard, this birthing experience was not a good one and although it was only 2 weeks ago it feels like a lifetime ago, or maybe even a dream.

this being my first scheduled c-section i had great hopes of everything going smoothly. with jude i labored for 14 hours and then had to have a c-section and with greta i tried a v-bac and after 12 hours of labor had another c-section. this time around, although my doctor still wanted me to try another v-bac, i decided to just schedule a c-section. i had heard how much better c-sections were when scheduled, so on wednesday february 2nd @ 5:15 am...i brought my A game. turns out, my A game included wearing the new surgical hospital gowns called "bair paws", the best worst invention ever. the best part being how it keeps you warm and toasty pre and post surgery. the worst part, being 9 months pregnant and having the inflatable gown make you look 100 lbs bigger. either way, trevan and i were very excited for the birth of our 3rd child, a son. we all giggled and laughed as the were prepping me for surgery. brooke and my mom were there to wait in the hall and hear his first cry from the operating room. everything felt perfect.

ezra roger gregory was born @ 7:02 am 2/2/11. he weighed 7.1 lbs and measured 19 1/2 inches long. his first cry was loud and perfect, music to my ears. trevan confirmed to me that he was indeed boy and the doctor's marveled at the length of his umbilical cord and the fact that there was a true knot in his cord, not something they see very often. for those few seconds, life seemed perfect.... and seconds they were. sometime in the first few minutes ezra stopped breathing and when he started breathing again it was very labored. the NICU team was called into the operating room and within a few minutes ezra was whisked away with his daddie following suit. as they were leaving, the respiratory therapist assured me this breathing issue was normal for c-section babies and that by the time i was out of recovery baby boy would be back in my arms. i nodded and hoped he was right.

the bummer about c-sections is that you have to stay in recovery for an hour after you are finished. trevan was with ezra and i sent my mom and brooke down to see what was going on and keep me in the loop. it was a long hour but thanks to serious pain meds, i don't remember much. trevan came up a bit later and told me that he was still having trouble breathing and that they were putting him on CPAP but trevan didn't seem worried so i wasn't either. apparently c-section babies that don't go through any sort of labor don't get their lungs properly "squished" so sometimes they don't get all the fluid out, which leads to breathing issues like low saturation levels and labored breathing. my nephew gilbert had similar problems when he was born so i sort of knew what was going on. still, i was not too worried. i just needed to get out of recovery so i could see my baby. trevan went back down stairs to be with ez and i sent nannie and brooke to get some breakfast. once i was through "recovering", i was ready to be taken downstairs, i asked to be wheeled by the nursery so i could see my baby. as we cruised by and i saw my baby on CPAP and 6 people surrounding him with furrowed brows i knew then that it was time to be worried.

shortly after i was in my room, the on-call pediatrician (not the one i had requested) came in to give me an update. ezra was not improving as they expected, they had taken an x-ray of his chest and there was still some fluid in his lungs. they had also had some blood work done to test if he had in infection like pneumonia. the pediatrician and been in touch with the neo-natologist at UVMC and it had been decided that ezra probably needed to be transported to a different hospital with a higher level NICU because they were afraid that ezra was going to need to be on something stronger than CPAP, a ventilator. in the mean time, he needed my permission to inject surfactin into ezra's lungs to see if he got any better. once the surfractin was dosed, ezra had 3 hours to get on the ball or he would be transferred.

well, with the thought of my baby leaving the hospital without me i was on my nurses to get me into a wheelchair so i could go see my baby. my nurse was very hesitant to let me get up an hour after my surgery but no one can say no to a hysterical new mom. getting into the wheelchair nearly killed me but i had to see my baby. it's funny how that mother bear instinct kicks in without even knowing your baby. i saw him and touched him and loved him and cried. this was not how things were suppose to go this time... EVERYONE told me this was going to be my chance at perfect.

at this point my kids arrived at the hospital to meet their new baby brother. as they looked in on their baby brother through the glass i could see the love in their eyes, jude especially. he has waited for his best friend to come meet him on earth for 5 years. yaya was sick so rog and brennan were there to meet ezzie too. i was so thankful they were there at that time because ezra needed a priesthood blessing. we hadn't named him until then either and i looked out the window at my mom and brooke and mouthed to them our choices of heath and ezra and the both nodded to ezra. i looked at trevan and he agreed, so ezra roger gregory it was. trevan, roger, and brennan gave him a priesthood blessing as i held ezra's hand and there was a sweet feeling of peace that came over me. i am so grateful for a worthy husband and for the power of the Melchizedek priesthood. oh, and i love my in-laws too... ezra is lucky to be named after a man like his grandpa roger.

after about an hour on the surfractin it was decided that ezra was not improving so the transport team was called and ezra would be transferred to a IMC's NICU. at that point, we all sort of freaked. i begged and pleaded to hold my baby and the charge nurse in the NICU agreed(remember no one can say no to a hysterical new mother) and it was my best moment of this entire experience. feeling ezra up against my chest for those few minutes were the best thing that ever happened to me. the nurses took him back and my nurse told me i had to go back to my room. i went back and laid and waited for the transport team to bring my little guy to see me before he was taken away. it was a very emotional moment when they brought him in. i don't think i have ever felt like that before. the transport team was nice enough to let me touch him for a bit and they let my kids touch him too. jude and greta sobbed as the wheeled him away. it was too much for all of us to handle. i can't even talk about it. i felt like my baby had died.

everyone left after that. trevan followed ezra in the ambulance up to salt lake. my kids had seen to much for their little brains to comprehend and left with the gregory's. it was dustin's birthday and brooke went to be with him. my mom needed to run an errand and told me to rest until she would be back. the room was silent and miserable...i was all alone, and it was the worst. i couldn't rest, i was too scared for ezra. it all was suppose to be different but that's what i get for planning on normal. i'm not trying to be a 'debbie downer', it's just the way things played out. i honestly don't know how people do things much harder than this with preemies and other more serious complications. i can't fathom it.

the next few days i was busy trying to recover so i could get our early to see my baby. they were rough days too... another priesthood blessing for me from my dad eased the pain a bit but it was hard. trevan was busy running back and forth between hospitals and my mom was busy taking care of my 2 kids and shuttling them to me for snuggles. things got better... they always do.