christmas

i can still post about christmas, right? 

good, cause here i go.

the christmas traditions in our little family are set in stone and in full swing these days. i mean, its the same thing year after year but to deviate would we sinful... i never ever ever want it to change. our christmas eve and day traditions go a little something like this:

-chirstmas eve matinee (the muppet movie... ROLLED)

- dinner with gregory's (homemade salsa, lil smokies, cheeseballs, etc.)

- a "surprise" visit from santa

- a long drive home looking at christmas lights

- the opening of christmas jammies

- warm tubbies

- reading a christmas story

- children nestled in bed

- WAKE UP!

- present mania

- quick change into new christmas sweat suits/duds

- brunch at yaya's

- babies nodding off as we drive to nannie's

- present exchange williams style

- delicious prime rib & ham dinner

- lots of games and craziness

- baths with cousins

- jammie time!

- more craziness

- drive home

- put sleeping babies into beds

and finally

- mom and dad get some much needed shut eye.

things were a little different this year, with my grandma dying on christmas eve. i found out she passed as soon as the movie was over via text, i gasped and ran out of theatre and headed straight to her place to be with my mom. i cried a lot with my mom and sisters... and then i had to pull myself up by my bootstraps and head over to the gregory's to participate in christmas traditions, for my kids. unfortunately, christmas day was sort of pathetic too, the dark cloud of death just a day beind me. being with my sweet mom was heartbreaking, we all felt a little lost on christmas. my mom was as always, amazing, and still made a delicious feast for us and played happy but we could all feel the heartache behind the smile. it was all just a little weird. i guess all that was important is that we were together on christmas, the kids were happy, and i truly felt love for our savior jesus christ and his love for me on the day of his birth.

cubbie loves his yaya...

and his great grandma polly loves him.

 couch dwellers waiting for santa.

how do you think jude felt about santa's arrival? he is never lacking in the excitement category.

dirty santa and creepy mrs. claus

years past 07, 08, 10

still smiling...

how is landy so old? promise he was 6 (ummm, jude is 6) when i met him!

ez hated santa...
and really i can't say i am any less freaked out by this version of santa than ezra is. right?

greta? yeah, she was ready for her turn.

my adorable family.

such a proud mama.

the christmas eve party crew 2011

freshly bathed and jammied up kids, edible.

jude and schmez's relationship perfectly captured.

cookies and milk for santa? not at our house...  i'm pretty sure i heard reindeer like celery in addition to carrots (add an onion and you have a mirepoix. duh) , santa gets sick of the sweets and wants a savory snack, and we weren't sure if he was lactose intolerant so we opted for root beer (bottled, of course).

i somehow snuck of picture of the finished product AFTER santa had come and BEFORE the kids woke up.

sleepy anticipation

greta poopin' her pants over her #1 most requested gift ever, "dog that walks".

we have now entered the lego stage of our life...

and trevan has never been more excited.

cubbie and his iphone.

scoobs and her scoots.

my handsome boy.

busy boy ezra pulled the flat iron off the counter the day before while i was doing gaga's hair.... whoops.

 this picture is why we do it folks,

the sheer joy of kids on christmas....

and that's all she wrote.

Florene "Billie" Genevieve Berset Ausman

christmas eve my beautiful, strong, independent, wise granny billie passed away. we knew this was coming... she had been knocking on heavens door for a few weeks but no matter how prepared you are for someone to pass on, you aren't. it broke my heart. christmas is a bad time for someone to die, especially for the loved ones left behind but i guess granny wanted to be home for christmas, and i can't say i blame her. her welcome wagon to heaven was full of people who loved her. i faked my way through christmas and new years, putting on a happy smile for my kids but inside i was so numb.

i loved my grandma billie, i always felt like i was her granddaughter. i knew who i was, because i knew who she was. its funny because as a young child she scared me, but as an young woman and adult she inspired me. my granny did not have an easy life, EVER. she faced trials in childhood, in her teenage years, as a young adult, as a mother, and as a grandmother. her life story kind of breaks my heart. that being said, you would never ever know that her life had been hard if you had met her. she was always positive, always hard working, always calm and always happy. granny came from good "stock"... the woman she came from, the 5 sisters she grew with, the 3 daughters she bore, and it seems we granddaughters are lucky enough to come from that same stock. the berest woman sock are STRONG women and my grandma was no different, she was the center of it... and a word to wise, don't cross those women when it comes to their kids!

i'll miss so much about my granny billie. her sayings {oh ish, ooftah, oh lordy, for pitys sake, and how she said my name "kenner"},  her signature hand motions, those piercing blue eyes, her love for my jude {her favorite boy ever}, her love of sports, the calmness around her, her smell, her stories & the gossip, her sleeping in an armchair, and her beautiful hands. the spot in heart where she belongs is empty and it cannot be filled, she was a part of me. i miss her. i know because of my faith, that i will see her again and i know she is in a far better place and that she is happy. i can only imagine her reunion with her father who she lost at age 8 and with her best friend and sister katie who was shot and killed by her own husband in her 20's. knowing all of this, makes her loss a little easier but i am still so sad that she is gone. 

i got to spend a lot of time with her while she was here in utah the past year and a half. i will cherish those times always. i only wish i had spent more time, no time with her was ever enough.... i just don't think i realized it then. i was also so lucky to be there after she passed and those memories too are so precious to me, words cannot express. i was lucky all around, to be hers.

rest in peace, my beautiful mother of my mother.

grannie with 2 of her 5 sisters.

a happy grandma billie and my grandpa don

 

a young mother

granny billie and her kids

always, always playing golf. 

her one true passion!

basking in the sun with her cup hot decaf.

granny billie and her boyfriend jude (her words, not mine)

the last time the remaining berset sisters were together, happiness everywhere.

grandma and my beautiful mother, her care taker the past 18 months.

i will miss you and love you and remember you forever.

thank you for being ours.

read her obituary here

december.

hi.

i am back.

did you know that its been a CRAZY past few weeks? well, it has.

my sweet grandma billie passed away on christmas eve. her death has really kind of thrown me off. i miss her... a lot. death and christmas don't mix.

i have a lot of updating to do, not that you care but i sure do. this little blog is my place to remember it all.

so here we are the week before christmas... busy, busy, busy.

 kids in dads pants... it happens.

  :: the annual williams family christmas party ::

  notice my dad. so perfect.

i look forward to this party every single year. growing up this party was always on christmas eve where we would progress from one of my dad's siblings house to another. i remember starting on captiol hill at my uncle jeff's house and then ending up at my grandma and grandpa's clear down in provo, always with a nativity scene played out by us kids. i remember the long drives between houses and listening to ray coniff and john denver and looking for santa's sleigh in the sky. my dad would always tell us we had to hurry home and into bed so santa could come. as the years went on our numbers got to big to "progress", families decided to have christmas eve to themselves but the tradition has kept up and although the party has changed the spirit of it has not. my kids, like me as a child, look forward to this party every year.

 greta's christmas dress 2011.... jcpenney. 

who knew, right?!?!

 the QUEEN's story teller

an enthralled mins and goob.

 jude looked cute in his christmas dud's too...

brooke asked me why he was was dressed like al borland.

 skank.

 the queen's story teller and his adoring fans

alyssa, landon, greta, bella, minie, gabi, and judakins

  cashee!!! 
my cousin mark's little boy.

ezzie was lucky enough to be the star of the show. 

he was a busy baby jesus.

 greta and jude were wisemen this year. greta was pissed about her casting. after seeing countless DVR'ed performances of the nutcracker she wanted to be a nutcracker (no, not clara). so we obliged and let her be a nutcracker wiseman. 3 weeks later, she talks about being a nutcracker in the nativity.

 babies.

me and my baby.

:: temple square ::

the good news is that we choose the ONLY snowy night in december to go to temple square. fyi, our weather has been bonkers and super lame this year. we went with the g's and this year we had all of trevan's siblings in attendance, it was a first and it was fun. i married into z best family, ever... EVER.

 my poor kids... no love for them. OH and also, all of these boys are single (minus TedANTH... far rightt).

 newly engaged love birds.... the cutest.

 these SINGLE men are really good with kids and are real sharp dressers. 

*cam's christmas miracle aka his mustache has since been shaved.

 

 did you know i love my baby? he is the cat's pajamas.

 yaya and papa

 trevan and i knew our calculus...

u + me = us.

 jude has slowly left my wing and has crept on over to trevan's side. it breaks my heart, but only a little bit. they are best friends.

 stragely engouh, kid cudi was there too.... i mean landon.

 trevan consoling a heartbroken greta. how could yaya leave her? don't worry little grets, we met up with them for hot chocolate at mcd's and you felt much better.

:: williams sibling party ::

now, this party always consists of a little progressing from house to house. we had it all set up to have a mexican fiesta at my house, then nannies, and end up at brad's house but then we made an executive decision to bag it. given my grandma billie's fragile state and my mom's stress level of handling it all, we thought she should be with her and we kids could figure something else out. PLUS, my dad was out of town and brooke and dustin were in a the middle of a move. it was a good decision, seeing as my grandma passed away 2 days later. yikes.

we had dinner at la costa in american fork (not half bad) and then had dessert and present exchange at brad's house. oh, and BTW i think the waiter at la costa wanted to kill himself when he got our table with 7 kids under 6 and 6 adults. freak, i wanted to kill myself.

 jude and his harem of women, minus 2 ladies.

shit, he's cute.

 PRESENT EXCHANGES!!!!!! 

 get.in.my.belly.

our gracious hosts, brad and vanessa.

i know, i know, she's really ugly, get her off of the blog.

b & d burgers.

 cutest couple alert.