i miss nursing.

i gave up nursing about 2 weeks ago and i regret it every.single.day.

i NEVER ever NEVER thought that i would be one to:

A: nurse

B: enjoy it

and 

C: regret stopping.

i know that it was "time" but i don't feel like it was our time. i felt weird telling people i was nursing him still at his first birthday, and felt pressured that i should wean ASAP, so wean i did. no one in my circle nursed as long as i did so i felt that awkward explaining it. weaning him was simple enough, he was only nursing 3x a day and i just took a feeding away one at a time in within 2 weeks we were done. i should have trusted my gut when i felt we weren't ready and just carried on. it's not that weird to nurse past 1 year... i mean, in some countries it is recommended that you breastfeed until age 2 (a little awks).

things aren't the same with ezra anymore. i think he is mad at me, and i don't blame him. i mean, i am still #1 in his book and all but sometimes he seems mad. he will scratch or hit me, and i am pretty sure its out of frustration. (i mean, who wouldn't miss these juggz?!?)  i miss cuddling his little body and him being so content next to me. nowadays the minute i pick him up to snuggs he arches his little back and rolls off of me like its going out of style. i really, really miss that time i had with just him. i want to go back but i can't,  cause it's too late to 'pologize.

sorry ez.

flashback friday... a day late.

landon's baptism 2004

some points of interest:

- trevan's pencil neck and overall babiness, such a handsome little toddler

- landon is 16 now, which makes us officially old

- landon was 6 when i met him, and now my own son jude 6. creeps.

- we were about a month away from our engagement at this point... awwww
- this was trevan's first suit and it is STILL too big

* trevan just pointed something else out, HE WAS WEARING CONTACTS. 
i miss those days.

dirty little secret.

i am not a cleaner.

this is really an embarrassing subject for me, like horrifying. i want to be a one of "the clean ones" but i am just not. this is not news to anyone who knows me well. in fact, i am sure there have been many discussions in my family about a cleaning intervention with me, and now that i think about it i am pretty sure my mom has tried a number of times and has failed. she use to drop subtle hints but now she is just nice and tells me "your house will be clean after your kids are grown!" or "a clean house doesn't matter" ... i doubt it. i figure that if i publicly announce my weakness in the cleanliness world maybe i can do something about it. i mean the first step on the road to recovery is admitting there's a problem, right?

being clean is in my genes, i know this because i have 1 tidy mother and 3 tidy sisters (yes, paige i have heard you have changed your deviant ways and now you can be put into the tidy category). i am always amazed by what the women in my life homes look like... mine does not even compare, ever never. so embarrassing.

whenever i have had my babies my sweet mother takes a week to stay with us and make things right in my crazy post baby world. i watch her through those days as she makes time to play with my kids, do laundry, tidy everything, run errands, talk to at least 4 of her kids, and have a hearty and healthy meal on the table by the time my husband walks through the door. how does she do this?  i spent the weekend in st. george with my oldest sister and was baffled how she keeps a clean house with 5 kids and her crazy schedule. let me say this, my sister robyn is very good mom and wife. i aspire to be like her, really i do. but lets be honest, at this point, i aspire to be like anyone who is clean. 

you should know also, that i do do some cleaning. the problem is doing the real stuff, like baseboards and blinds (who does that?) or dusting all surfaces and getting to every nook & cranny. i clean bathrooms bi-weekly, i pick up toys ALL DAY LONG, i sweep and vacuum the floors when necessary, and i am usually on top of laundry. also, my kids NEVER look messy and are always clean (jude knows his hair needs to be done before we leave the house and greta knows a bow completes her daily process of getting ready), that's one thing i am OCD about. runny noses and messy hair in public make me nauseous.

SO... with that being said, let me show you my latest creation/endeavour :

yes, ladies, i made my grown ass self a chore chart. i named it clean and happy because maybe it will help me feel better about myself.

i have never abided by one of these things, and i have never created one either. my cousin julie talked about hers a year or so ago and i asked for her chore chart, and a year later i am implementing one of my own, based off of hers. i am actually pretty excited about it.

wish me luck?!?! 

i just want to be clean.

don't judge me and my disgusting ways.

p.s. is anyone feeling charitable and want to come help me organize my life?

2 p.s. if you are wanting your house to look clean, don't buy an old house... THEY WILL NEVER LOOK CLEAN!

flashback friday.

the williams kids first day of school 1988

love this.




flashback friday

fun fact: my junior year in high school i had to shave my head.

 

{ my novas: taren, rebecca, nicole, lindsey, jana, and of course brooke }

it's not as liberating as you would think, especially for an emotionally unstable 17 year old. pretty sure, i started antidepressants about the same time... although they are not related, the shaved head probably didn't help.

lesson learned... do not bleach and bleach and bleach your hair then try to go back dark without a experienced hair dresser.

a birthday brought to you by the letter E

every first birthday starts out with balloons at our house..

and its a good thing because no little one has ever loved balloons more. in fact, he is still rocking one around his wrist today... a week later. 

lucky us... trevan was home for present opening!

{ side note:  it had everything to do with us being up until 4am fixing our broken pantry door and not so much with it being ezra's birthday. getting trevan to take a day off is like pulling teeth... and i ask EVERYDAY! life would be so much better with him home.}

my little birthday man in his elmo jams

party time + decor

and for a non-crafter i think i did pretty good...

 the E cake by yaya

my E cupcakes

i don't craft or bake... so not in with the mom's of 2012, get me out of here.

ezzie & nannie

gossip girls.

 my fanatstic uncle lee, ezra's biggest fan.

 a man cub and his dad.

 present time... surrounded by cousins.

greta was okay for someone to have a birthday other than her, as long as she could open the presents.

she is so wonderful.

 cake lover...

he sucked on it like it was my nip, and it was hilarious.

a good 1st birthday indeed.

 p.s. thanks to my mom, yaya, and brooke for helping with the food. ya'll are real nice broads.

p.s.

we bought a van.

and it looks a little something like this.

omg.

flashback friday

i have 3 sisters...

Robyn, Brooke, and Paige

 

one year for fathers day my mom took us down to cory adams to have some pictures taken of his adoring daughters wearing what else than, white silk pajamas. don't you judge her... it was 1992. 

 { high points : another headband experience brought to you by me and my giant forehead, brooke's bangs (mom, how did you do those?), robyn may or may not be warren jeff's newest bride, paige's overall adorableness, and of course... the white silk rose. TEARS. }

ezra is 1 today.

my beautiful 1 year old son.

 {saw it on pinterest... had to do it.}

 h a p p y  b i r t h d a y  c u b b i e !

how can you be 1 already?
i love you, i love you, i love you.
you are so wonderfully perfect.
i can't wait to spend each new day with you 
and i cherish every.single.one.
i could eat you, my incredible edible ez.

-mommie

{ brooke and her camera talents.... amaze. you should be jealous she's my sister, AND my best friend. }