greta.

light of my life.

miracle girl.

angel.

happy 2nd birthday.

thank you for being ours.

{it really stinks to be so sick on your birthday}

high fashion @ parklane

a few months ago my paternal grandma, johnnie belle, moved from her home in utah county to parklane in downtown salt lake city. don't for a second think that this place is an "old folks home" because parklane is where anyone over 65 who is anyone lives. in fact, there is a long waiting list just to get it. life at parklane seems ideal, you have a maid clean your apartment, all meals served in a spiffy dining room with gourmet meal choices, a beauty salon, an atrium with huge trees and lots of sunshine, car service, front desk check in, a library with books to borrow and a fire to read by, fountains, a music appreciation class, and best of all.... high fashion.

last week i went to see my 89 year old grandma model in a fashion show. needless to say, it was amazing. johnnie belle was thrilled to the gills first off to be asked to model and secondly to have her family there cheering her on. the clothes that were modeled were from the 'oh-so fashionable' dress barn (worst company name ever) and all the spring fashions for the senior crowd were represented. there was an emcee in a tuxedo, dashing firemen escorts, jazz piano in the background, and lots of senile men from the audience making cat calls.

this combination was a crowd favorite and i hope to take my grandma to dress barn this week so she can use her 25% off coupon for modeling to buy it.

the best part of having an 89 year old grandma? well, the fact that she is around to love my kids. jude loves to visit grandma "bonnie gel" at parklane, the free popcorn get him every time. after the fashion show we went up to her apartment to gossip and she had these little easter snow globes for me to take home my very sick kids. she really is amazing, and i love her.

p.s. i am putting our name on parklane's waiting list this afternoon.

hunger pains

fine.

i am baby hungry, starving really. its funny how it creeps up on you like that. since greta has been born the thought of another baby has made me nauseous. newborns? no, thank you. i see pregnant women and feel nothing but sorry a little for them.

and then something like a like a light switch in my brain occurs....

{my newest and cutest nephew brig}

...all of the sudden i am baby hungry. the sight of a newborn makes me squeal like a little girl. pregnant women are the most beautiful and blessed people in the world. somehow, baby clothes and trends get cuter. i find myself staring at new babies and wondering what my next one will be. i lie awake thinking of baby names. the thought of not having a baby in arms as soon as possible is enough to make me weep. greta will be 2 in a week and will most definitely not be a baby any longer. surely, that alone is grounds for baby making.

the truth of the matter is.... i am scared. scared to death. as much as ever fiber of my being is aching for a baby a side of me tells me no. i have yet to have a smooth go.... jude's pregnancy was rough, rough mentally and rough physically. his birthmark broke my heart. in between jude and greta i had a miscarriage, it nearly sent me over the edge. anyone who has had a miscarriage knows what i am talking about. greta, well who can sum up that? its been hard. we don't even know if its a genetic condition or not. is she the best case scenario or worst case scenario? after spending the day at primary children's with greta and her nuerologist and him saying he didn't know if he would suggest reproducing again (he didn't mean it to be rude, just saying we don't know yet with greta what will happen). i agree, would i choose this again? we also found out the greta's heart murmur is still there and is a bit concerning so we are seeing a cardiologist next week(put it on my tab). all of that is enough to scare me to death about having another child.

and then i think of this

{jude 6 weeks}

and this

{greta 2 weeks}

and it makes everything okay. my kids are totally amazing! how can i not want another baby just because i am scared. i have to swallow my fears and have faith. we all do. fear is good. it could always be worse and people who have been through a lot worse things have had the courage to try again, and they succeed. my life has been wonderful, and i have made it through some scary stuff. my theory is that if i did that than i can surly do this too.... i think. kids were always a part of my plan, a part of my life. i knew that i wanted a big family from the time i was very young and although my number idea of a big family has changed, i know for me, 2 is not enough. i am good mom, i know that. trevan is good dad, and he supports me in my role as mother. we have a lot of love to give. everything that is suppose to be will be.

now if i could only make myself believe me.

-------

p.s.

happy 500th post!

for the record....

... i have never had an abortion.

so in case you are hanging out on a new york subway anytime soon and see my face plastered on these ads know its not from personal expereince but from a job with a stock photography company i had 7 years ago. its touching though that the million or so people that live in new york city think that i have, and it has changd me.

i have been contacted by some friends in nyc who have told me they have seen these ads lately on the subway and finally someone sent me proof. i think its kind of hilarious. oh, and if i had to take a stance on abortion i guess i would be pro-life, duh... look at my life.

girls trip

i am off to a weekend of sewing with my lovely ladies.

st. george will be hosting the williams girls sew-a-thon this year and i hope a lot of pool time will be involved. sunshine, please! this year paige dana will not be joining us because of her son that should arrive monday/tuesday. i guess that's a valid excuse.... i am so exctied for some girl time and hope i don't ruin too many of the projects that i have laid out for me.

a special thanks in advance to mr. gregory who will be manning the house while i am away. pretty sure he is already ready for me to come home and i am still here. he says its not the kids he's worried about and that its me he misses..... i don't buy it. i do however buy that is high time he took a "man trip", release some testosterone. would you do that trev?

enjoy your spring weekend!

good weather & good news

finally.... some weather that is tolerable.

we packed pb&j's for the kids, ran by jimmy johns for us (have you been there? ), and picnicked at the park. it was fantastic. jude kept telling us it was a beautiful day to do things (ie. play, run, drive, golf). greta was so happy to play outside, i keep trying to tell her that walking would make playing so much better but she ignored me.

swinging can make any day brighter....

... but underdogs complete it.

oh, in case you were wondering what trevan was doing at the park in the middle of the day....

.... its because he got some really great news. after 2 years of searching for the perfect job/fit he was hired at charles schwab yesterday. we were so close to moving to chicago for this same position and then he got hired here. its been a long time coming for trevan and i don't think i have seen trevan this happy since he left his last job, and that 3 1/2 years ago. really, he is THRILLED. its hard enough to find a job in this economy not mention one you want!

i am so very proud of trevan and how he has turned out. growing up i thought that you either had everything or you had nothing, high risk and high return. there is nothing wrong with that mentality and some people thrive in that environment. in fact, that is how my dad saw things and how he supported 6 kids. i loved our "fancy" lifestyle growing up.... however, i have learned that with highs there are lows, and the lows are pretty low. you don't always get the high return. i am grateful that i have a husband with a consistent job, and he is working his way up the old fashioned way. trevan is patient and is okay with not being a millionaire today. if you would have asked me at 18 if i would be okay with not being "rich" at 27 i would have laughed. i remember my high school boyfriend telling me that if we got married i wouldn't be able to shop at banana republic and nordstrom, i was mad at him for days. i was a spoiled brat. i am glad that i learned better and grew up a lot. i now know that to really succeed you need patience, hard work, and honesty and if you play your cards right it will pay off in the end. i mean what is "rich" anyway? i feel rich even if it's not what our cultures views as wealth.

trevan takes care of us and we have more than we need.

we are happy.

congratulations senor!

we're gonna sing about brooke...

... cause she's a little girl.

{brooke got a cd when she was about 7 from our aunt eileen that only sang songs about brooke. i'm pretty sure it was a big trend in the 90's... anyway, i loved the cd too and learned to sing-a-long with all of them. they were totally cheesy and i was totally jealous that i didn't have a more ordinary name. i still sing them to this day.}

yesterday brooke turned the ripe old age of 24 and we celebrated as only we williams can do.... eating, shopping, and eating. what else would we do? no one needs to hear me blog anymore than i already have for my love for brooke, she is my bestest bestie. i am so glad that brooke was born, i am afraid robyn would have been sorely disappointed had i been the only sister. its amazing having so many sisters, 3 built in best friends. families are good, sisters are better.

i gave her these amazings for her birthday but wound up giving her this too.

n.a.s.t.y.

i am a very picky eater with no use for fancy food.

happy birthday
brooke christine!