see, i am this mom

we love ourselves a little mcdonalds and because one is so conviently located, we frequently eat there for lunch. oh and for the record.... my mom made me this way. 

and i wonder why i am not thin, oh well its delicious.

the things i am not

i would like to be all the things that i see other people being or doing, mostly on blogs. i can't decide if blurking (blog stalking) is a good or bad thing for me. sometimes i am just really jealous of people (and i shouldn't be) and other times i am fed up with all the "fluff" that people blog about (i.e. perfect husbands, well behaved children, wealth, fashion ideas, and other fluffy things) i know, i know, its their blog and they can do what they want to do with it but come on, no one's life is that perfect. i want real, i want grit, i want something i can relate to.

as for me and my blog, we are real. i am not perfect and i don't want anyone to think i am, i like my imperfections, they make me ME and although i don't always like myself, it is who i am. besides, i have entirely too much drama in my life to be fluffy.

so after a late night of blogging (lets be honest.... all my nights are late with blogging) i decided i was a terrible mother and wife for all of the things that i am not and most likely never will be. the list as is follows:

-i am not a clean person. my house is pretty much always slightly messy, never disastrous, never spotless.
-i don't make dinner nearly as often as i should.
-i get angry with my kids(jude) and sometimes say naughty things.
-i am not skinny
-we are in debt
-my fashion sense is boring
-i don't take beautiful pictures
-i am not educated
-trevan and i constantly bicker
-i am overly opinionated
-i sleep way too much
-i will never be the mom that bakes cookies with their kids.... i don't like cookies.
-i tell white lies to jude
-i don't promote healthy eating habits for my kids (what can i say, i love mcdonalds)
-the t.v. sometimes babysits my kids while i am on the internet
-i am not cool or unique, totally ordinary
-i might be a bad wife and an even worse friend
-i suffer from depression and anxiety

the list goes on and on and on and on. however, as i was slipping into bed at 2am i leaned over to give trevan a kiss goodnight and he gently whispered "good night baby, thanks for all that you do for us." as if he read my mind. so i guess i am not all bad and i am glad that trevan and the 2 adorables love me, even for all the things that i am not.

still no word on greta

we are still waiting to hear on what the plan is with greta. i talked with dr. filloux on friday and he said he was still doing research and that he would let us know when knew. no news is good news? i guess.

also, greta had her early intervention IFSP testing to see where she stands developmentally and she is not as behind as we had thought.

at 9 months of age
gross motor skills: 7 months
fine motor skills: 9 months
vocalizing: 9 months
social: 10 months
problem solving: 12 months


i am tickled with results, she still needs the therapists weekly but we are thrilled.
go gretsie go!

while i'm on the computer....

....my best friend is usually at the next desk over tying his flies. its kind of nerdy and kind of adorable. i love when he comes over after finishing one and proudly shows it off to me and then explains what its for.

i so love him.

one of senor's finished projects....
i have no clue what it is.

draper temple experience

it was our ward's day to volunteer at the draper temple open house and i knew i had to be a part of it. i was so excited to go and be a part of this. when i got my assignment "floater-as assigned" i was a little worried that i may be assigned to clean the bathrooms or maybe sit outside in the cold and count the people coming in but was going to be happy about whatever i was assigned to do because it was just cool to be there.

while i was riding on the shuttle to to temple my breath was taken away at the beauty of this majestic building. for some reason that day the smog had cleared and turned in to this mystical wet mist and the temple stood there and would gleam in the sun light when the sun would peak through the fog. it was stunning and i knew it would be a good day.

as luck would have it, the person that was assigned to temple position #25 did not show and i got to stand and usher in that position. i am sure if #25 knew that they would be in the bride's room they would have shown up. i got to stand in that beautiful brides room for 3 1/2 hours and watch while people oohed and aahed and as every mother would bend down and explain to their little daughters that this is where they would get married and be a princess for a day. the room is breathtaking, the attention to detail is amazing, i loved how the chandelier and sconces looked like tiaras. truly, you are a princess on your wedding day.


the artwork in the bride's room is beautiful as well. i think i found my new favorite painting its "esther" by minerva teichert. probably i need it in my room. i love minerva tichert she also does my favorite christ depiction as well.

as i stood in that room i was reminded of my wedding day. such a short day and it flew by but being in there let me feel what i felt the day i married my love. the nerves, the excitement, the calm, the hope, and everything in between. i kept thinking how amazing it was that trevan and i are married, that we made that decision to get married. it feels like we have been together forever, and in a way we have. we are the same person in my mind. its crazy to think that jude and greta were just figments in our imaginations that day. we had no idea what the vows we made in that sacred ceremony would and will bring us. we were young.... i guess we still are. i am so glad i married my sweet heart almost 5 years ago and i am SO grateful that i got to be in the temple today, in the brides room no less, to feel all of that again.

i am normally a sucker for anything salt lake temple but i LOVED this temple. its our temple. i am so excited to go with my family next week. run, don't walk to this amazing experience.

up and away..... from the smog

seriously? no one can handle the smog. nobody was as grateful from the phone call from amber to head up to snowbird and go swimming more than i was. we were in our swimsuits and ready to rock in 45 minutes. we met amber, roen, and baby milo at the iron blossom lodge and had the quite possibly the best day of the year. the weather was gorge and the company was great. it was 58 degrees of wonderfulness, the brisk mountain air combined with the warm and inviting outdoor swimming pool was perfection. we are all jealous.

did you know that i was part holmstead for like 20 years? i was always envious of their little family tradition of staying at snowbird for 2 weeks in january and was glad that i could FINALLY be a part of it. i'll take it anyway i can.

roen is adorable and i was so happy that jude finally met someone who was as "rambunctious" as him. these two played quite well together and enjoyed each others pushes and shoves. we probably need to get these two together every day.

amazing prets was there too.... she loved the water of course.

Round 9: Jude vs. Pulse Dye Laser

here we are again... is it getting to be as repetitive for you as it is for me?

jude went in today for his 9th laser surgery today. its the same exact thing every time, same doctors(different anesthesiologist), same nurses, same crying, same smell, same burnt hair, and same darling boy. the only different thing is that this time the lasered inside his mouth (ouch!) because dr. vanderhooft saw some darkening on his inner lower lip. jude is getting smarter with age (imagine that) and knows now what is going on. he knows that when we walk into that hospital he is going to leave in tears. he knows what and where is birthmark is now.

last night was harder for me than today. last night was the first time that while recieving a blessing from trev that i didn't hold him. he sat there like a big boy and silently mouthed ï love you" to me as i watched (not joking). last night we discussed his birthmark, jude and i. our discussion went like this...

me
"jude, greta is sleeping at yaya's tonight because tomorrow we have to go to a special doctor's appointment for you"

jude
"we go get my birthmark away tomorrow?"

me
"yes, baby but it will be okay."

jude
"okay momma. we go get 'jabba da hut' after my birthmark go away tomorrow?"

me
"we'll sure try buddy."

jude
"momma, i no like my birthmark tomorrow"

me
"me either buddy but you'll be okay, i promise."(tears)

and it was okay. now we just have to wait for it to heal and hopefully it lightens enough that we never have to back there again or at least as often.

luckily, jude's star wars "chubbie guys" were there to see him through.

until next time.......

baby sophie and hunger pains

my dear friend val had this darling little number last saturday and i got the chance to finally meet her. i am sure, that greta was never that bitsy, alas she was. they grow too fast. sophie, is so precious and is not helping at all with my baby hunger.

yeah, i'll say it. i am baby hungry. i am crazy. i have my hands full and i want more. it's not the normal kind of baby hunger either, i can only relate it to my problem with food. as a child i always had to have my own food. my mom would send a bag of food with me everywhere i went, babysitters, friends houses, school, you name it. i just needed to know that there was going to be food and that i would have enough. i still worry that i am not going to have enough food, like at parties i always worry that we are going to run out. i make our dinner for 6 adults always even though there are only 3 eaters. i have food anxiety. its weird, and its hard to explain. i feel the same thing with babies, like i am going to run out. i need all of them. when i find out people are pregnant i am upset because i feel like they are taking all the babies and i should have them. i don't really want a baby right now, but i am so hungry for one. i don't want to run out.....

anyway, this little sophie is adorable and i love her already. congrats morris family!

our first visit to the dinosaur museum

its sooo cold and miserable and i am tired of being in my house. so brooke, nannie, and i decided we would shake things up a bit and fore go our normal target/mall routine and went to the dinosaur museum at thanksgiving point. i hadn't been there since tuck and abe were about knee high, mostly because it's highway robbery to get in. however, its too cold and jude is going stir crazy, so we went to the dinoROAR museum.

jude and minie enjoyed a little crawling around through caves, minie was acting as if she wasn't a floor dweller just 2 months ago.

i am going to have to say that jude is not so much a dinosaur lover. (maybe he gets it from me, seeing as i don't believe in them. funny, right? i know, i am crazy.) what he liked the most was the tunnel at the beginning that is black and full of stars, he thought he was in star wars and we went through it maybe 8 times.

hi.

of course all kids love themselves a little sandbox action. we built mountains and made floods for days....

minie..... i love her so much.
trevan likes to say that she is all the entertainment he needs and that someone should be recording her every move because it is that amazing and needs to be seen.

and yes, she is that happy all the time.

this part of the museum always baffles me. a shark? really? mins seemed to like it but jude was a little put off by it, i don't blame him. notice minie is only wearing a onesie, like i said she is amazing and can do amazing things to clothes in a matter of seconds.

all and all, save your money. i am not sure it was worth the combined $20 for jude and my admission. the best part of the day by far was jcw's (delicious) for lunch and watching minie eat fry sauce with a side of chicken strips.

some things about jude....

okay, so at least 60% of the day i want to send him back. i love him, but he is killing me. terrible 2's? more like terrifying 3's. however, i would like to remember some things about him at this "stage", and i say "stage" because it better be.

- whenever jude feels upset, hurt, threatened, sad, or just plain "bratty" he busts out his now trademark phrase "GO TO WORK!". it was funny the first 9876 times but now its plain mean.

-"hells yeah" , it used to be our favorite word. i changed my vocabulary a bit and sternly told jude that we don't say "hells yeah" but every once in a while it slips out. kind of funny.

-jude has learned that he can now put trevan and i against each other. good cop/bad cop is real, and it happens at our house. we are still trying to figure that one out.

-jude lives by three words.... binki, juice, silk. don't go anywhere without them. its the trifecta.

-he still has a damn binki (pardon the cursing but, it is a damn binki). i passed the point of no return and i don't know how to take it away now. he's too smart. i've tried cutting it, mailing it, you name it but he loves it. maybe his wife will take it away for him, that is if she can get over his MASSIVE overbite because of it. i have dug my own grave here. i am bound and determined however to figure this one out and come out in control......maybe.

-i will miss the day that i don't have a trail of toys wherever i go. i loves loves loves that he still adores me.

-jude would prefer not to be a mormon. church is not among his favorite things and you can just forget about nursery. that place might as well be auschwitz. maybe its a good thing he is in primary now. (i have a kid in primary, craziness)

-i am pretty sure that his temper tantrums are ones to be reckoned with. i often times find myself more in awe than being upset. i mean really? they are quite impressive.

-another key phrase in our daily lives would have to be "whats your problem here?". where he even got that one i don't even know. its kind of hilarious.

-jude's love for greta is sometimes almost too much (hence the broken arm). he is the bestest big brother and loves her. greta thinks the sun rises and sets with jude. they are my dynamic duo. jude also, loves to be hugged with her and to say "two babies!". he is adorable.

-i think that jude really wants to be a biter but knows better. instead of biting he just loosely puts his mouth on you and shakes really bad. like, he wants to take a big chunk out of but is holding back shaking. i am just glad he can control himself.

all and all my judakins is a sweetheart. i LOVE him. writing these things down makes me love him ever more. i am sure that tomorrow we will be looking for reasons not to kill him but he is still our favorite and our best.

i love you jude malcolm.

xoxo,
-mommie

ringin' the new year in...

oh hi, its me.
i am totally gorge and i totally love to celebrate the new year.

we started the night out with a little grillin' on trev's christmas present. thanks to brooke for buying the 40lb of gorgonzola cheese for our steaks to be crusted in. delish.

and then some incestual tub time...

can i just say that i clean my tub but because our house is 50 years old it never looks clean. yeah, the whole buying an old house/fixer upper, never happening again.

my dad and mom decided to join us after their boring "adult" party ended and frankly we were glad to have them. my dad will go anywhere as long as it includes lil' smokies.

mark + tiff, love birds.

sorry jacksons but this is what happened when i said "cheese".
the thing is, this is just them. they are my favorite people, hands down.

us.
but ser, get out of the picture kenna.

01.o1.09
12:01am
notice dustin, he is dropping a bucket of glitter shiz all over my mom (i know, who dowses their mother in-law? dustin.) i am still cleaning it up.

....dustbin.

with all the horn blowing and firecrackers the baby crowd woke up. grets is always ready for a party. hence the nickname, party girl.

nan and the girlsies.
wouldn't you want to ring in the new year with them? they are totally hot.

thankfully the 2 older children stayed asleep...

..but she woke up for the ride home and had to get a little new year's photo. really, i ADORE her.

everyone was especially grateful that jude went to bed at 9:30 and stayed asleep. he was OUT OF CONTROL grumpy and crazy. i'm pretty sure mark and tiffani lost all baby hunger pains after about 20 minutes with his attitude.

i love him all the same, maybe even more....

a year gone + a resolution

2008 was a doozie.

i hate to say it but i am glad its over. i love that we get to start over again every year, i need a fresh start. although 2008 will go down for us as to receiving one of our greatest blessings (the prets), she too needs a fresh start. i am bound and determined that 2009 will go better for us and that i will finally be a better version of me. here's to that.....

THE RESOLUTION
maybe if i pen it down it will happen....

-make my bed every day (not the best house keeper)
-find a hobby
-lose 15 lbs.
-have more patience (especially when it comes to jude)
-hold my tongue
-be more optimistic
-read the quad... through and through
-learn to sing
-get a bigger car(is that a resolution?)


(more to come on our new year festivities)