stop it.

we are home from vacation but before i can write anything about that i have to write about something else that has been weighing on my mind..... children that die.

i am not okay with this. i have heard too many horror stories lately that hit too close to home. i actually personally know people who have had to bare this, to bury their babies. really, why on earth do kids have to die? i read their stories and listen to their mothers (and fathers too) grieve. how is anyone suppose to heal from a loss so great? a child is an appendage to a parent, a necessity. you are not suppose to live without them. i cannot imagine the horror of waking up everyday knowing my child was gone. yet, at the same time i can. i remember a short time ago when the doctors told us greta had a terminal disease and would not live to see the age of 8. we lived with that reality for 3 days and it was the darkest 3 days of my life. i can't imagine living that nightmare for the rest of my life. greta was granted a miracle and when she was tested again it came back negative for the disease (ataxia telangiectasia). it was a real life miracle and i am FOREVER grateful for it, everyday. but why can't every parent have that miracle? they all deserve it. it's not fair. i don't get it and it needs to stop. if i hear of another child who has to die, i am going to scream. how is that okay? children are suppose to live, they are suppose to grow, they are suppose to be. life is too fragile. i pray to god every waking moment i never have to live without one of my babies. that would be a cross i don't think i could bare. yet, who could bare that? no one. the thought of going through that keeps me up at night, like right now.

i am going upstairs right this instant, to kiss my babies. i will try to go to sleep and pray about how grateful i am that they are here today and pray that they get to stay, especially that little one growing in my belly. i never ever want to take my blessed life and sweet babies for granted.

and please, dear lord, no more sick or dying children.

please.

to you mother's of angels.... you amaze me. i am so sorry you have to be strong. you deserve so much more.