ready for normal

i'm done. i am over having "high stress" kids. i am so ready for normal.

it was a hard week and i am glad its over. greta will be the end of me. i feel like i am at my wits end. her doctors appointments this week were heartbreaking for me. lets start with the geneticist....

first off i loved him, his name was dr. alan rope and he was amazing (aside from one of his shirt buttons being undone and seeing his hairy belly). he fell in love with my grets and kept telling my how cute she was, and a good normal cute, not a "syndromee" cute. besides the diagnosis of her being beyond adorable (which we all knew) he was just as baffled as everyone else. he told me that most diagnosis with genetic testing don't come until about ages 2 to 6, because the disorders or syndromes don't show their "true colors" until then. dr. rope also told me that he didn't really want to find a diagnosis for greta, he just wanted her to get better on her own, because with every diagnosis comes a sting of its own. however, it would be nice to know what to expect for her and also things to anticipate coming. he did order a test for some sort of metabolic disorder that he said he was only 5% sure of coming back positive. he was glad we were seeing the neurologist, dr. filloux, the next day and said he would suggest another MRI to him. overall, it was just nice to meet such a nice doctor. he wants to see her again next summer so she has more time to develop and he can better understand what she is doing.

the appointment with dr. filloux, the neurologist, was a little bit harder for me. after about 35 minutes of questions and observing greta he got down to business. he tested her reflexes, head size, and other things. he then told us he was concerned, much more concerned that he was when he saw her a few months ago. he told us that he did not know what was going on with her but was glad that she also meeting with the geneticist because with them working together they would find out what was going on. dr. filloux said that he was pretty sure she had a mild case of a disorder called "ocular motor apraxia" (you were right meg!) but that was not the only thing that was going on (she also has a cortical vision impairment). he said that he was worried that this condition may get worse over time and although she is progressing developmentally her problem with her "jitteriness" is persistent. he too was not familiar with what is going on with her but said that is was most likely a neurological disorder. never the less, he was concerned about her and wanted to run a number of tests on her. he too agreed about an MRI at a later point (15 months age) when it would be more useful because her brain will have matured more. he told me to call back in 2 weeks for the test results and that he would research as much as he could with what her symptoms are. only time will tell.

i won't even get into the nightmare that were her tests. apparently, prets has terrible veins (just like her mommie). they tried 6 times to get a vein to no avail so the called for the "iv team" at primary's and wound up having to draw the blood from her head. is that normal? it was awful. oh, and they had to take urine samples too. since she can't pee on her own (i know, would she be potty trained already) they had to put a pee bag on her and i had to run it to the hospital after she "went". not the best day.

i just hate when i am right about things. i want a doctor to tell me, she's fine, she's normal, everything will be okay. i go in to all appointments with no expectations and leave feeling empty and sad. i just want that normal baby so much. jude is normal developmentally but his birthmark is hard for me too. i thought for sure after jude i would get a "normal" baby. i need to give up on normal and drop the word from my vocabulary..... i have decided that greta is normal, normal for greta. she will always be our greta and we will just love her come rain or shine. i will love her for what she does not what i want her to be doing. its SO hard not to love her, just try and do it, you can't. i need to stop wanting her to be things for me, its selfish. she is so perfect, she is just her own perfect. i love her. i know the lord gave her to me so i could learn and so i could love her, and i do.

i hope this doesn't sound like complaining because i am not. sometimes i am just worn out. i just need to be content with my lot.

i'm thankful for....

in no particular order.....

trevan
family
trevan's job
our home
sisters
medication
our church
good food
retail therapy
and....

her.
she is amazing.
aint nobody host a thanksgiving with 37 people like she does.

jammie heads

these two...



... are destined to be pals.

how can you resist a freshly bathed baby in pajamas? you can't. jude insisted on wearing his "snow flake" jammies after he saw what greta had on for bed. i wish they could match more often, i am so that mom. i love them.




p.s. greta saw the geneticist today and were off to the neurologist again tomorrow. more on that later....

wonder of wonders....

she's sitting!!!!!!

really, i have never been a prouder mama than when grets started sitting yesterday. i cried tears of joy because i not only thought this milestone was months away but i thought maybe this wasn't even in her future at all. just goes to show you how much i know! i can't wait to show her new skill to her physical therapist tomorrow. greta is amazing. i love her and i CANNOT believe she is actually sitting, and only a month late at that. she is incredible rolling and sitting fool. hurray for grets! she is my hero.

p.s. greta also popped 2 bottom teeth last week(hence the drool droplet)....sniff sniff.... where did my newborn go?

she's here....

and she's amazing.

poppy louise jackson
11-09-08
2:36pm
7.6 lbs
19 1/2 in

i love her already.

oh and p.s. brooke's water broke at 12:30 pm and she was here 2 hours later. she's beautiful and looks nothing like her sister, mom, or dad. she has a full dark head of hair! if i hadn't of seen her come out with my own 2 eyes i wouldn't believe she was theirs.

festivites for jude

jude had a great birthday, if i do say so myself. jude awoke to presents and for him, there is not better way to start a day. after presents and breakfast we headed over to bounceU to meet up with his cousins minie and gabi and friend jack. i love bounce houses and now so does jude. we will be heading back there immediately if not sooner... we all had precious delicious chick-fil-a for lunch and that was great until jude came following out a sobbing boy from the playplace. apparently, jude had bitten him and knew he was in trouble. great. have i mentioned that jude has been known to bite? even though it was his birthday that sin did not go unpunished and it was DEFINITELY nappy time.

after a long winters nap it was party time for jude. he had his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents over to celebrate with him. he was a very happy boy (once he could open presents) and once again hit the jackpot with presents. his party was batman themed as per his request and we played a mad game of "pin the nose on the joker"and everyone was involved. it was great day for jude. he went to bed feeling very loved and very 3.
i love him

sleepy eyed birthday boy...

jude + jack

even trevan couldn't resist himself a little bouceU

beautiful pamela's ...

this would be my bratty sister 5 days from delivery. i hate her and love her all the same. and you can be sure she was enjoying herself on those slides as well.

the best part about jude and minie's realtionship is that jude has loved her from the get go, like in utereo he loved her. also, neither of them see an age difference between them. its great. they need to be best friends.

jack + his momma val

jude and gabi finally are getting along and they love each other. i am so glad that they do too! they play so cute together. cousin kisses are perfectly acceptable!

told you he loved his presents..

completely satisfied!

even the nan got involved in the pin the nose on the joker

Happy Birthday Judakins!

my tuck is 9

this little boy was my heart and soul until my own son came almost exactly 6 years later. i will love him forever and ever because he simply wonderful. robyn is so lucky to have him.

an e-mail from 2003 from tuck...

Dear Kennan,
I'm good. I want a new Video game, and a monster hot
wheels, Like the one on TV. I want to be Batman for
halloween. I think you sould be a mountain for
halloween...a hot lava mountain.  Trevan should be a
REscue Hero. Abe likes you and misses you. I am in
mommy's bedroom. I am sending you emails. Ia m done. I
love you bye..
Love,tucker 

h a p p y 9th b i r t h d a y
t u c k e r !

i voted.... for jude

but the results kind of excite me.....
change is good, right?

three tres drei tre san

i can't, i won't believe my baby is 3.....

happy birthday my beautiful boy...

Before you cross the street,
Take my hand,
Life is just what happens to you,
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,
Beautiful, beautiful,
Beautiful Boy,
Darling,
Darling,
Darling Jude.