house guests.

deep breath...

carnation drive had house guests.

this was a big step for me, to allow people other than immediate family into our humble abode. 

i love our house, it is our home. that being said, it is not up to my living expectations. namely, our bathrooms. lets get real, 1961 called and wants its rusty bathroom back. however, when the call came in our bank account called in on party line and said "you are broke!", therefore no upgrades have been made on the bathroom front. it is so embarrassing.

with morgan's wedding quickly approaching i knew family would be travelling from out of state to come to celebrate with her. so, i sheepishly offered our house to trevan's cousin, elliot and whitney & they accepted. i was glad they did, but made sure they knew the situation they were walking into... our house.

all in all it was so fun having them here, and honestly we couldn't ask for better guests. i love whitney and had fun staying up late talking with them. jude and greta were in 7th heaven with stella, and keep asking when she's coming back. their baby malcolm was simply edible, and i could have used a few more moments of nibbling his chub! in the end i was so glad they opted to stay with us and they were so nice about our nasty bathrooms...

 the dynamic duo, jude and stella

 my ezra

the ever edible, always amazing, malcolm

 jude and stella sometimes let greta in the club

 the dibble family
carnation house guests 2012


i hope they come again, soon!

morgan gets married.

 are you ready?

morgan's wedding in a whirlwind...

first off, i was lucky enough to be involved in almost every aspect of this cute girls wedding. i made their invitation's, found her dress (brooke's wedding dress), threw her a shower, went to 3 more showers in her honor, did her make-up for her bridals, made their photo montage wedding video, decorated the venue, and provided 1 groomsman, 2 ring bearers, and 1 flower girl.

it was busy but so wonderful.

first off her invitations...

wedding dinner insert

temple insert

 

the finished products... tears.

then her aunt joni and i threw her a family shower

and of course, we had to have it at her all time favorite restaurant, the dodo

girls only!

the blushing bride... she was glowing.

the hostesses with obviously the mostess

dessert had to be mentioned... raspberry buttermilk cake and toll house pie?!? 

be still my soul.

greta went to all mogan's showers too, she LOVED opening the presents at the "parties".

next up bridals...

these two... L.O.V.E them

click here to see her bridals 

compliments of one of my BFF's miss lindsey shaun

and then it was game on in preparation for the big day. my sweet terni totally bit off more than she could chew. i made trev take the day before her wedding of so i could help (skanks trev!) when i walked into her house i nearly fainted. OMG yaya! she had baked 500 chocolate cookies as favors that needed to be individually wrapped and stickered AND she was in the process of hand double dipping 500 strawberries! that woman... she is crazy.com! never the less, i rolled up my sleeves and got to work....

eventually we recruited the bride, cam, and rog into helping us wrap all the cookies and strawberries all before we had to get to the wedding dinner at 6:00.... sigh.

soon to be mr. & mrs. trujillo

the wedding dinner was perfect. ted's dad made delicious mexican salads and the company was perfect. needless to say, my video of them growing up brought tears to grown men.

me and bubby

the gregory brothers four.

brennan, cameron, trevy baby, and landon

 the wedding day was hectic but perfect... minus the part where i forgot my temple recommend, starting bawling but luckily the temple workers found in in their hearts to arrange for me to get a on-sight interview and then a call to my bishop and i was off, running, to the ceremony.  i was so happy i was there to witness the marriage of these two beautiful people. we are so so so happy for them and CANNOT WAIT for them to start popping out cousins.

ezzie and cam... my kids true father

 

the earl crew waitin' on the bride.

my and the uber-talented lindsey... i love this girl. 

our friendship is 18 years going strong!

gags.

my jude!

how is he this old?

a. i just got married myself

b. i remember tucker and abe at my wedding they were BABIES and now they are 11 & 12

c. he is missing teeth already!

me through trevan's eye.... hey girl.

MR & MRS TRUJILLO... so happy it makes you sick.

third born.

friendsies!

greta was almost certain morgan was her rapunzel bride doll...

almost a perfect match!

a girl and her brothers.

my man, his mama, and his favorite auntie jon-balone

as soon as that picture was taken joni and i were off to decorate the venue... umm, i won't go into too many details but we worked our cute little butt's off and were nasty sweaty messes by the time the reception started 3 hours later. kuddos to joni for working harder than me and doing it all while suffering from RA. 

and the party began...

 

us and landy.

yaya and jude, their bond is unbreakable.

i think he may be her favorite person ever, and he feels the same way.

me and my girl, who was suffering from a rare strain of fifth disease that made her break out in hives in the sun.... adorbs.

and they're off...

it was a perfect day and i was honored to be a part of it...

sometimes my depression kicks my butt.

today was a doozy.

i mean, a real knock down, pull my hair out, cry all day, lie in bead, scare my kids, wish i were dead, doozy of a day.

i have known things were off for a few weeks now, but going to the doctor for myself with 3 kids, 1 working husband, 2 working grandmas, a sister with a newborn, and no babysitters during the day is not something that happens a lot. i was hoping it was just a "funk" that would go away but i was not so lucky today. it seems my medication is not working. i hate when this happens. i hate that i have a chemical imbalance that makes me depressed. it is so embarrassing. i feel like i should know how to do this by now, i mean i have been taking medication for nearly 13 years. i can do so well for so long, but when i don't do well, it scares me to death. this depression is real, and it is debilitating.

how can i be capable of even feeling this way? how can i feel that my kids would be better off without me? how could i feel like running away, or just ending it all together? how can literally not get out of bed? it is beyond me.... and even though i know its not real, but it sure feels that way. 

i know it will be better soon, it has to get better. 

i have 3 kids that NEED me and a husband that loves me. today was the worst day yet because i saw what my depression was doing to my kids. poor jude felt it the second we woke up. he reacts by throwing tantrums, i think to try to get me to react or change my mood. he doesn't understand why i am crying or why i am unable to get out of bed. he thinks it is him. he kept throwing fits, and telling me that i hated him. greta cried with me, telling me to stop crying. ezra just sat on me, snuggling me and then sitting up and looking at my face. it was really bad. my kids cannot comprehend this. i cannot believe i let it get to this. i am a walking, talking, oozing "depression hurts" commercial.

thankfully my mom was able to leave work and come and rescue my kids from their crazy mother. i do not know what i would do without my mom, she never judges me, she just comes hugs me and takes over. i never even have to ask, she just does. my kids go to her and know that the can find a safe haven with her. what would i do without her? this isn't the first time my mom has had to take the wheel for me because of my depression, and it won't be the last.

i hate this part of me but i was born this way. i struggled with depression as a child, a teen, and now as an adult. i am just glad that i live now, and not when my great-grandma did in the early 20th century. the poor woman was put in a mental institution around my same age and never left. i could not survive without modern medication and my wonderful support system.

tomorrow is a new day, and it has to be better than today. trevan will be with me and i'll go meet with my doctor and hopefully i will be back on the road to normalcy.

more.