thankful.

i love that there is a holiday that is dedicated to gratitude. really, how cool is that? i am grateful, i am thankful, and i am humbled.

this years top 10:

(in no particular order)

motherhood

the internet

sisterhood

true love

growing up

health

my savior, jesus christ

seasons

laughter

family

happy thanksgiving.

self image

i just came home from work and found my photo booth application running, this is what i found.

it kind of breaks my heart. of course he wants to know what it looks like. i hope he sees how devilishly handsome he is as well.

i love him.

p.s. 2 measly comments? jude is offended, i am offended. it seems i am not the hip blogger i once was. rude.

Round 10: Jude vs. Pulse Dye Laser

i am not quite sure how it is possible that jude has had this procedure done 10 times. i cannot believe we have been fighting his birthmark this long, i was naive to think that it would go away (lighten) with only a few treatments. after all, i was warned that this treatment is only 30% affective at best. i remember telling myself that by the time he was 3 we would be done. well, he is 4 now and we are still battling his birthmark. i will tell you one thing, no matter how many times we wind up doing this, it never gets any easier as a parent.

the thing about jude's PWS is that i don't even notice it anymore and haven't for sometime now. i just see my darling judakins and so do most people who know him. it has lightened some and i guess is not super noticeable but the truth is, it is noticeable and jude is aware of it. at this point he thinks all people have been through what he goes through. he asked me tonight if when i was a baby i had a birthmark too. he doesn't know it is what makes him unique and that it is only him that has been through these procedures. he is the only 4 year old i know that has been under GA 11 times, the only 4 year old i know that gets the living hell burnt out of his face, the only 4 year old that gets strange stares and whispers while his face heals from those burns. he is unique... and right now he doesn't need to know just how unique he and his birthmark are but soon enough he will learn. this will be hard for jude, it will be hard his whole life. we are just doing everything we can as his parents to make him realize that his PWS is not who he is but a part of him and it makes him special and wonderful and perfect. we want to teach him that its not that big of a deal but it is a daunting task in this ever judgemental world.

jude did splendid this time around. if you don't already know jude has a pretty serious case of anxiety that we have been working on for a while and i was worried (i am a pretty anxious person myself) about how he would do this time around. he freaks out about going to the regular doctor who he loves, he freaks about me going to work, and he freaks about going to church. we talked about this procedure for a few days in advance and he seemed okay with it. he was really just concerned about getting frosty the snowman as soon as we were done. this morning as we woke him up to go he was not concerned like he usually is. he knew where we were going and he was okay. once at the hospital he was the most concerned about the mask that they put on him to put him to sleep. jude took the "funny" medicine (versed) easily and drifted off to dreamland with only a few cries. he woke up heavily sedated but not sobbing like he usually is. finally, the anesthesiologist figured out a regime that works! after about 20 minutes in recovery he was fine and ready to go home. jude was ready for his reward and we were eager to reward him.

surely, a boy as sweet and brave as jude should be rewarded with frosty the snowman stuffed animal accompanied by karen and hocus-pocus courtesy of build a bear. jude has been looking forward to this reward for weeks now.

jude loves these guys(anything attached to a holiday is a sure fire hit for our jude). we have already watched the movie 3 times today and he has loved playing along side the movie.

sidenote: look at great go! she is so close to walking and climbing up on everything. the couch is her newest feat.... her flexibility is a strength in this case.

our family spent the evening recovering at nannie's. it was nice to get away and just spend some alone time with my parents. trevan and i are blessed with the best parents in the world. jude has yet to have a surgery where one person from both sides of his grandparents were not there to support him. when we arrive at the hospital his first question is always "where's nannie and papa rog?". we are so lucky.

jude.... thank you for being so brave.

you are a super hero to all that know you.

until we meet again mr. pulse dye laser.....

the video game dilemma

so its christmas shopping time and i am up against an issue i thought i had figured out before i had kids. the issue being video games. i am kind of anti-video games, i say kind of because i do have a strong love for all things mario and the video game aladdin on sega genesis circa 1994. i also have been known to through a beat down on anyone on the original tony hawk on nintendo 64, i will admit i am good at video games. that being said trevan and i both decided early on we would not be a video game family. my brothers (the sweet souls that they are) are big gamers, not so much video gamers as they are computer gamers. growing up our house was the location for many a dungeon and dragon parties which turned into LAN parties as technology improved and i am pretty sure my brother brad still frequents them. its a fine hobby and all but not one i am in favor of. its a little nerdy for my taste and i think my brother brad knows i feel ("mark, i need more potions!") and would not be offended by me saying so. needless to say before now we were anti-gaming systems.

the problem is the fact that jude is kind of technologically (is that a word?) minded. not to pat my own back but i think he gets it from me. growing up i was always the one fixing things the TV, computer, or stereo system. my dad still calls me to figure things out for him. i just get those type of things, always have. anyway, jude is the same way. he likes electronics and has figured out in his 4 short years how to use the computer. he knows how to search the internet by clicking on familiar looking words, he knows how to turn the volume up and down, how to close windows, and open up the correct programs. its kind of amazing. his favorite thing is to play video games on the computer(nickjr.com, pbskids.com, and his newest obsession northpole.com). jude needs no help with most of the games and browses those websites like a seasoned internet explorer and its a problem. i am afraid that while he is on the internet he is going to stumble onto something he shouldn't see or he will ruin or delete something on our computer and most of all i am sick of him hogging up my blogging time.... really.

so for christmas i was thinking of getting him some sort of "learning" video game system. the problem is that they are like $70 and each games is like $25-30. for that money i may as well by a wii so i can enjoy it too (rock band, mario party? please.). but on the other hand i don't want open that can of worms yet. does he really need that stimulation? probably not but he really wants to be playing interactive games, things that help him learn. is he going to become obsessed and an introvert? i am scared. i don't know what to do. if i do get him a video game system what do i get? a leapster, a vmotion, a wii? i just don't know, i don't know i feel. we live in this generation where technology is everything and you cannot avoid it. am i doing him a disservice by not letting him join in? who knows he may be the next steve jobs..... or the creepy serial killer that as a child only played video games. i am baffled.

what are your experiences? what would you do? what would you buy? i need some advice.

it's true...

and i now can finally say i know so for myself.

after a life of belonging to this church i have finally read the book of mormon from cover to cover, embarrassing but it is what it is. last december, during greta's diagnosis scare, i knew if i wanted a miracle then i should probably know of him that i am asking a miracle from. i needed to really know my savior, jesus christ and that the only way i could do that was by learning of him. i first started off with the new testament and followed up with the book of mormon. i have learned so much in this past (almost) year and my knowledge and love for the savior has increased 10 fold. i was granted my miracle, i have my greta, and i know that this was done through the lord. whether it had anything to do with my faith or knowledge i don't know but i do know that this book is true. i can't fathom denying it and i won't.

read it for yourself and then you be the judge.

(sorry if it offends or is too churchy... i just had to do it for myself, its my truth)

4 reasons to celebrate

1. making it to your 4th birthday

2. mcdonalds birthday parties (best idea ever)

roen, gabi, jude, tamari, grets, lucy, minie (notice the had holding), bella, and poppy's forehead. not pictured cohen, jack, sophie and 10 supervising adults.

3. family parties at rock creek pizza

4. being the cutest and most adored 4 year old in town

best birthday ever.

four

jude is 4 today....

... and what a handsome 4 year old he makes.

as we close the door on three i can't help but feel a little sad. turning 4 seems like a big milestone for us, jude is no longer my baby.

dear jude,

i love you, especially today, my sweet boy. today you are mine. i cannot believe you are 4 but at the same time it seems you have been mine forever. you are my first born, my son. we have learned so much in our 4 years together and we will continue to learn and love and make mistakes. you have been through so much in your 4 short years. you have grown from my baby to my boy. it has been a trying year for us, we have both cried a lot. please forgive me for my lack of mothering skills and continue to love me for who i am because i love you to the moon.

i want you to stay a little boy forever, just like i wanted you to stay a baby forever. i know its impossible and that you must grow but it breaks my heart to see it happen. i guess i just didn't know it would happen so fast. there are still a few things that keep you my baby and i cherish each and every one. i love that you still love your silky. i love that you still sleep with your favorite toys. i love you still prefer me, always. i love your innocence. i love that you adore your sister and really think she is a princess. i love your passion for whatever you are into at the moment. i love your inquisitive nature (even if it does drive me crazy from time to time). i want you to know i love you jude, just the way you are.

my sweet jude, you are chosen, you are loved, and you are perfect. thank you for choosing us. i love you, forever.

xoxo,

mommie

happy 4th birthday

cook or treat (as jude would say)

what a perfect halloween it was.

greta cat & her own vampire jude

ready to go trick or treating.... and yes it was the perfect weather and you did not need a jacket for the first hour or so.

jude decided on his own to be a vampire. i was so thankful he didn't want to be bumblebee or some other sort of super hero. its not that i have anything against them i just feel like he has a whole childhood to be those things. its only when they are really young that they can be cute classic things. anyway, he has been waiting and waiting and waiting for the day that he could wear his costume and he was the best "in character" vampire you have ever met (even if he was not with the trend of vampire's these days.).

jude and minie moo the cat. they are BEST friends. if you ever get to see them in action, consider yourself lucky. i love them.

so typical brooke.... we decide to have our girls be cats for halloween, she goes all out and gets amazingly creative and i go 100% classic kitty cat.i think brooke was bored to tears with greta's costume but i liked the simplicity. we are the same in most every way but she is just a little bit more creative and cute and it really bugs.

greta and poppy lou enjoyed the wagon and their treats for their trouble. they are almost as tight as jude and minie.... almost.

our halloween was so perfect even if it did get thrown a little off coarse. nannie's surgery nixed our plans for some serious hidden oaks trick or treating and delicious billie chili. its good thing we are adults and have our own houses these days that we could fall back on. our own house, as it turns out, made a perfect halloween party location. the neighborhood maybe be old and a little bit ghetto but it proved perfect for little legs running from house to house (even if jude wanted to be an invalid the whole time). we were joined by the jackson's and mark and tiffani for a little jack o'lantern pizza, trick or treating, and games. we got all of 4 babies(miracle of miracles) to bed in time for some adult humor and our laughter could be heard for miles. note: play telephone pictionary immediately. it was perfect.

hope your halloween was as perfect as ours.

i cannot wait to take down our halloween decor.... its been a long 2 months.