a love note to jude

dear buddie,

i always ALWAYS always wanted a son. some people have dreams of daughters that they can dress up and go shopping with but i wanted a son (little did i know i wanted a daughter too). i wanted someone to play rough with, to be my buddie, to laugh with, to be my son. i always knew you were a boy, you just felt like one from the moment i knew you existed. when you were born all of my dreams came true. you gave me the gift of motherhood. you were my son! we have had our trials so far but you have been worth it, and will always be worth it. i have heard that age 2 is hard, but age 3 and me butt heads. life was so much more simple when you were 2, but who wants simple? sometimes i get mad and raise my voice at you and i hate that. i never would have believed it if someone told me 3 years ago that you would push my buttons. i feel like i don't get to express to you enough how much i love you. so today i am telling you how i feel about you, my sweet jude.

today is a sunday and you are 3 1/2 and crazy. i have to say, i love that you are crazy, i understand crazy. i love that you are my best friend and that you are always concerned for me, like today when the dinner prayer was going to be said without me and you said "no, wait for my mommie!". you cause so much mischief but at the same time bring peace to our home. you hate when daddie and i argue, and always take my side (thanks for that). i love that where ever i am there is a trail of toys behind me and that i am your favorite play mate. i love that you are so excited about our matching shoes and that you chose them over spider man pajamas, just so we could match. i love that you always want to go to target. i love that you can't wait to play golf, baseball, and soccer. i love that you still cry when i go to work. i love that when you come home from somewhere with daddie you yell "honey, i'm home!".  i love that you still think i am perfect. i love that you love your sister so much that sometimes you skwoosh her to death. i love that you are so passionate about things that you love and that you love to collect things (spider man, batman, star wars, any mcdonalds toy they are promoting, body wash/shampoo, cars) and that i get to spoil you, sometimes you need to be spoiled, no matter what your daddie says! i love that you have my taste buds, we have to exact same likes and dislikes in food. i love your funny sense of humor. i love that you still love your silk and your bink, and one day soon we have to take that binki away from you and it breaks my heart because it brings you so much comfort. i love that you are such and innocent 3 year old that still love his mom, and doesn't need any more friends than me. i love that you love your grandma's so much and ask to call both of them within 20 minutes of waking up. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that you and your daddie are so close. i love that you want to be just like him, you love to match him, you love to pretend your fishing, and you cannot wait to go on bike rides with him. i love your hilarious over bite and your skinny little butt. i love how bound and determined you are about EVERYTHING. i love that you love breakfast and when you are finished eating you put your bowl in the sink. i love your awareness of all the things going on around you. most of all, i just love you jude. i could go on and on for days. you are my first born and you are my only son (to date). 

thank you for choosing me to be your mommie and thank you for pushing my buttons and making me be a better mommie. i thank the lord every night for giving me you to raise. i hope i can be everything you need and more. i know however, that i could not love you more and i could not ask for a better son for me. you are perfect in my eyes. you are my favorite and my best. 

xoxo forever and always,

mommie

my favorite little cowboy....

just to document

greta really was this happy pre-mri. she is so happy all the time. from the moment i hear her "goo-ing" in her crib until i lay her down to sleep with her feet in the air she is all smiles. have i mentioned that she is her mama's girl? i love when my children prefer me.... it is what being a mom is all about.

t-minus 7 days

 greta is turning one in one week. i can't handle it, or these pictures that brooke took(more to come). we are gearing up for quite the party to celebrate this one's first year. 

she is adorble.com

welcome to the family....

my husband is a nice guy, he bought us this lovely jeep commander last saturday. we are in love. i am a total car girl, i actually used to subscribe to carANDdriver and did you know i that sold cars for 2 weeks (hated it)? so needless to say i was so happy to get a new car. our little jetta has been so wonderful for us but we have out grown it as a family car. this bad boy can handle 7 passengers (meaning brooke, minie, poppy, and nannie can all ride along) and has a HEMI to boot. 

so..... thank you trevan for making your wife a happy woman. (i am materialistic only sometimes/always)

jude is a little disappointed that we didn't buy a mini van but i am just not quite ready to make the mini van jump..... sorry.

p.s. any one interested in buying our jetta?

sometimes you need a little egg in your life...

i came upstairs {from blogging} to find this. apparently jude wanted some eggs. i was impressed, a little bugged, but very impressed. did you know that top chef and iron chef are among his favorite shows? really, they are.

 i love him.

the nova's take st. george (8 years later)

rebecca, lindsey, nicole, jana, and i all went to st. george for a girls only weekend and it was amazing. can i just say that i made really good choices in friends at a very young age? these girls are what made me who i am today. they stood by me, and i was crazy those days. we laughed, cried, reminisced, and talked a lot about sex. what? thats what girls do when they get together, at least my type of friends do. it was so nice to get away from our families/responsibilities and just relax. we stayed up til 4 every morning just chatting away. really, we didn't do much but 

talk and eat. we are good at that. its nice to know that 8 years later we still have no problem turning back into our pre-married selves, giggling fools, and still love each other SO much.

being in st. george brought up so many funny memories. there was never a dull moment. cruising the boulevard, me getting a ticket for hanging out a window, meeting so many boys, ancestor inn, goldie's 3rd degree burns, laying out, my car getting stolen for the night, heartbreak, lindsey's bumpin' system, denny's, did i already say ancestor inn?, and yet again SO much laughter. 

i miss my teenage years so much sometimes but i was so glad to come home to my life i have created. its nice to be married and to be loved. i missed my husband, my kids, and my mom/sisters and was glad to be home with my people.

p.s. i fully intended on taking lots of pictures to document this momentous occasion but alas we had too much talking to do to take pictures. at least any good ones.

until next time my fair nova's.....

more greta updates...

yesterday we went to see dr. filloux (pronounced few) again at primary children's hospital for a follow up visit. i am always apprehensive about going to these appointments for fear that something may be worse, never in hopes that something will have improved. i never think "wow, this is may be last time i will be here. she's all better!". i am not sure if the pessimist in me or the realist. either way, today things were better and worse.

grets was her adorable charming self today and i think dr. filloux officially fell in love with her and its high time if i do say so myself. after about an hour of examinations dr. filloux was still as baffled about her condition as he was when we walked in the door. although, greta is making leaps and bounds cognitively (talking, problem solving, social) she still is significantly developmentally delayed with her gross motor skills and has stunningly low muscle tone..... she will give shawn johnson a run for her money with her flexibility, not sure if anyone should bend the way our gigi does. her ocular motor apraxia is still in full swing and as we suspected and will probably not get better over time. the good news is that her ataxia (shaking) has lessened and she seems to be a little bit more in control with her movements. 

the bad news is that when testing her reflexes (you know the ole' knee taps?) greta had none or at least all or most of them were completely diminished. when greta was in last, at 7 months, and also at 8 weeks, her reflexes were fine and dandy and now at 11 months they are gone. so what does that mean? no one knows. dr. filloux told us her was very concerned and once again was baffled by this finding.

 so we are set for more testing. more blood labs were done on greta yesterday and once again we were faced with the horrid sight of getting blood from greta's scalp, its a long and i would assume painful process. next friday we are scheduled for another MRI but this time it will be an MRI with Spectroscopy which greta will have to be under general anesthesia for again. dr. filloux also said he will be contacting some of his colleagues there that specialize in neuro-muscular disorders and that grets will most likely have to have some sort of electrical nerve testing done which is a very "uncomfortable" procedure as he put it.

long story short..... no answers and more tests to be run. i guess i am okay with it, i don't think i really have a choice. regardless, i am just glad that greta is here with us. i adore her. she is wonderful and amazing and every other word that describes love. grets is a tough cookie and runs through all of these tests and procedures like a seasoned pro (wait she is). i will update when i know more.

p.s. i am so glad that i get to go out of town with these chickie-babes this weekend. this girls only weekend only is much needed and is guaranteed for some laughter. 

nova's 4 life!

23 years of brookie

23 years ago my mom gave birth to my best friend. today i am celebrating all things brooke christine and am going to share some of my favorite things/memories about my little sister brooke.

-she will sing along to any song with me after about 2 notes

- she was a peculiar little girl that loved harriet the spy 

-one of her favorite outfits as a child was a shirt that said "basketball is life, the rest is just details" paired with a darling pair of umbros.

- our favorite movie to quote is "the chipmunk adventure" (hello....miss miller?)

-she is each of her sisters best friend

- she is beautiful, inside and out

- minie

- she will do almost anything you ask her to

- her appetite 

- the way her tumbling skills imitate an orca whale

- she is a very gifted photographer

- her funky fashion sense and how it always works

-her proxy locks

 how our voices sound exactly the same, dialect and all. we are probably around each other too much

- how she is a clone of my aunt sandi

- that i get to be with her nearly every day

- how she is a "sister wife" in so many ways.... feel free to ask trevan 

- her humor

- she can do anything she sets her mind to

- she and dustin as a couple

- all of our backstreet boys days

- her driving skills or the lack there of (wrecking 3 cars in 1 week, 2 tickets in one day)

- how she is always the peace maker

- her happiness

- how she is just brooke, no imitation, just brooke

- the way she loves her children

- how all i have to do is give her a certain looks and she know exactly what/who i am talking about and what i am thinking about said person/situation

- our bi-weekly target runs with 4 kids under 3 in tow

but most of all i am just glad that i get to call her my sister. she is my best friend. i am pretty sure the rest of my sisters are jealous that i just happen to live the closest to her and the fact that trevan and dustin are BFF's from junior high. she really is that great and everyone should have some brookie d.  in their life.

this is for you brookie....

happy 23rd brooke

oh and happy 25th to my brother in-law nathan wayne too!

funky dark rut place

i'm in a terrible funk. i am not me, as of late. i am emotional, upset, hyper, tired, grumpy, argumentative, sad, frustrated, melancholy, unsure and worst of all i am all of these things at once.

i am not sure what the funk is about. i'm hoping its just my antidepressant that's off. that is an easy fix but takes time. i am not in the mood for anything more than that. last weekend i had a semi-nervous break down and haven't quite recovered. problem is, i put on a happy face really well and sometimes i don't feel like faking it and then the ugly truth comes out. people that really know me well (mother, sisters, husband) know that i am faking it and i am glad that they do because they can call me on it. never the less, i am still a good time to be around even when i am depressed. i like to be silly, it helps.

i am trying to get better and i am sure if the weather will cooperate with me all things will be accomplished (with a little retail therapy mingled in). if not, its another change of perscription and off to my shrink to get some more help. just when i think i have my depression all under control it acts up again. so typical.  i hate not being in control of things, i am a bit of a control freak. 

some facts about my depression:

-been apart of who i am since i was about 8

- i have been on medication for almost 10 year, including pregnancies

- if you knew me pre-medication you either loved me or hated me

-its totally hereditary

-i have been on 5 different medications

-i have been through lots of therapy

-my depression is mixed with severe anxiety(also hereditary)

-when my medication is working i am quite fun to be around

-post-partem depression is really terrible for me

-major life changes really throw me off

- i will probably always need to be on medication and because of that i feel like my depression is more like a disease or condition than a state of mind

you may be thinking to yourself this all may be a little too much information but i don't care. i want the people i love and who ever else looks at this little blog of mine to know who i am. i am me. one day hopefully i will figure out who that person is

also, my sweet trevan needs a shout out for dealing with my craziness. he is a good man and sometimes deserves better.

xo, 

me

p.s. next post will be a little bit more optimisitc. one thing about me is that i don't stay down long. i am a fixer of problems.

bubby returns from la la land

trevan's little brother brennan returned from his mission on wednesday from los angeles, california. we were all so excited to see our bubby. we have been prepping jude on all things brennan for weeks and he knew the basics... golf, ralph lauren, batman, etc. and was warmed up to him in about an hour. really, it was a family affair of excitement to see him again. somehow i couldn't sleep the night before and he is not even my brother! the gregory family is been apart for 3 years and we finally feel complete again and cannot wait to replace the horrific family picture that we took before the missionaries left, really it is THAT bad (sorry tern).

i can only imagine the first mothers hug after 2 years even if i don't want to imagine jude being gone for 2 years, YUCK!

landy and bubby

mo got hot while bren was gone.....woo woo. she is SO excited to start dating brennan's friends, they should be so lucky!

trev hearts bren

these 2 are emotional and in love all over again because brothers don't shake, brothers gotta hug.

finally a hug from his dad.

we are so glad that brennan is home and i am so glad that i can get back out on the ice with him. brennan totally gets me and we laugh way too much, even on his first day back. jude is in love, for reals and we all just want to be by his side 24/7 and pretty much have been since he got back. OH and somehow he came back tan, stylish, and handsome which is not normal for a returned missionary. trevan jokes that i married the wrong brother but i think i got it right. although, i would take any gregory boy just to be a part of this family!

WELCOME BACK BRUNO!

the williams curse

can we talk for a minute about the curse that has been upon my family for the past 3 months? really.... its not funny. let me give you the rundown: 

december: 

-greta's terminal diagnosis followed by being undiagnosed

-jude breaks greta's arm

january:

-bob gets laid off

-dustin gets the man cold of the century that turns into pneumonia and nearly dies, literally. is in the ICU for a week.

febuary:

-brad's brother in-law gets pulled over which results in arrest and INS involvement. long story short, wesely in all likely hood will be deported back to brazil AND my parents put a lein on their house to get wesley out of jail because the bail is so ridiculously high. 

-gilbert falls from a 2 story window onto concrete, is life flighted to primary childrens. miraculously is release from the hospital a week later with no real damage or problems.

-gwyn falls and cracks her chin open.

 ____

its now march and its time for the curse to leave. four out of the six kids in my family have had some major crisis in the past 3 months and frankly, i am not okay with it. somehow bryce and paige have steered cleared of a disaster, maybe its because they live out of state. whatever the reason, we are all done. my poor mother has been intimately involved with every case and i think she herself is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. freak, i know i am.  

so here i am formally uninviting this curse. 

leave. go away. don't come back. we hate you. AND you stink.

however, i am grateful for all of the blessing in our lives.  we are so lucky that things haven't been worse and that we all still have our loved ones with us, no matter what condition they are in. i never want to seem ungrateful, i think i am just a little unimpressed by this whole curse that's affected all of us.