kid fears.

are you deathly afraid of anything?

 well, my kids sure are...

for jude its GREEDO

and for gaga it's PINK FOOT.

deathly, afraid.

hilarious.

these are things i don't want to ever forget.

flashback friday

i know i know,

flashback friday, so last season....

but when you have got gems like these:

you have got to share.

the DANCE ACADEMY 1991-92

{ fun fact.... upon seeing what i wore to picture day the instructor told me i couldn't wear my headband at performance's. sad... i'm pretty sure the sequined headband was my idea, not my mom's. i loved a little sparkle and my forehead needed all the disguise possible.}

you should be hanging on to your seats for this new weekly occurrence.

SO hide yo wife, hide yo kids... ain't nobody safe from my sacred boxes of pictures, pretty sure everyone that reads this blogs is in there, somewhere.

the incredible edible EZ

apple of my eye.

my little shadow.

busy, busy, busy.

 diva st. claire.

&

one years old next week. 

sigh.

our new years.

 new years eve...

well, lets see here.

- WWIII with my mom, sisters and dustin (its all blown over now...p.s. it happens with 4 daughters)

- no invite for us to b&d's party... still offended

 - nasty cold for me

- double' ear infections for ezra

- mcdonalds for dinner

- new years at 8:45 pm

- kids in bed by 9:00

- first viewing of crazy, stupid, love

- a real midnight kiss 

yep, that about sums it up.

that being said, there is no one or place i would rather be than with my 3 adorable kiddies and 1 handsome husband. they are my people, and like mr. macguire said, they complete me.

 freak, for me... mcdonald's is fine dining. 

mmmmmcdonalds.

a diet coke and mcdouble... please.

 upper: fake time

lower : real time

me fooling my kids? genius.

  happy 2012!

christmas

i can still post about christmas, right? 

good, cause here i go.

the christmas traditions in our little family are set in stone and in full swing these days. i mean, its the same thing year after year but to deviate would we sinful... i never ever ever want it to change. our christmas eve and day traditions go a little something like this:

-chirstmas eve matinee (the muppet movie... ROLLED)

- dinner with gregory's (homemade salsa, lil smokies, cheeseballs, etc.)

- a "surprise" visit from santa

- a long drive home looking at christmas lights

- the opening of christmas jammies

- warm tubbies

- reading a christmas story

- children nestled in bed

- WAKE UP!

- present mania

- quick change into new christmas sweat suits/duds

- brunch at yaya's

- babies nodding off as we drive to nannie's

- present exchange williams style

- delicious prime rib & ham dinner

- lots of games and craziness

- baths with cousins

- jammie time!

- more craziness

- drive home

- put sleeping babies into beds

and finally

- mom and dad get some much needed shut eye.

things were a little different this year, with my grandma dying on christmas eve. i found out she passed as soon as the movie was over via text, i gasped and ran out of theatre and headed straight to her place to be with my mom. i cried a lot with my mom and sisters... and then i had to pull myself up by my bootstraps and head over to the gregory's to participate in christmas traditions, for my kids. unfortunately, christmas day was sort of pathetic too, the dark cloud of death just a day beind me. being with my sweet mom was heartbreaking, we all felt a little lost on christmas. my mom was as always, amazing, and still made a delicious feast for us and played happy but we could all feel the heartache behind the smile. it was all just a little weird. i guess all that was important is that we were together on christmas, the kids were happy, and i truly felt love for our savior jesus christ and his love for me on the day of his birth.

cubbie loves his yaya...

and his great grandma polly loves him.

 couch dwellers waiting for santa.

how do you think jude felt about santa's arrival? he is never lacking in the excitement category.

dirty santa and creepy mrs. claus

years past 07, 08, 10

still smiling...

how is landy so old? promise he was 6 (ummm, jude is 6) when i met him!

ez hated santa...
and really i can't say i am any less freaked out by this version of santa than ezra is. right?

greta? yeah, she was ready for her turn.

my adorable family.

such a proud mama.

the christmas eve party crew 2011

freshly bathed and jammied up kids, edible.

jude and schmez's relationship perfectly captured.

cookies and milk for santa? not at our house...  i'm pretty sure i heard reindeer like celery in addition to carrots (add an onion and you have a mirepoix. duh) , santa gets sick of the sweets and wants a savory snack, and we weren't sure if he was lactose intolerant so we opted for root beer (bottled, of course).

i somehow snuck of picture of the finished product AFTER santa had come and BEFORE the kids woke up.

sleepy anticipation

greta poopin' her pants over her #1 most requested gift ever, "dog that walks".

we have now entered the lego stage of our life...

and trevan has never been more excited.

cubbie and his iphone.

scoobs and her scoots.

my handsome boy.

busy boy ezra pulled the flat iron off the counter the day before while i was doing gaga's hair.... whoops.

 this picture is why we do it folks,

the sheer joy of kids on christmas....

and that's all she wrote.

Florene "Billie" Genevieve Berset Ausman

christmas eve my beautiful, strong, independent, wise granny billie passed away. we knew this was coming... she had been knocking on heavens door for a few weeks but no matter how prepared you are for someone to pass on, you aren't. it broke my heart. christmas is a bad time for someone to die, especially for the loved ones left behind but i guess granny wanted to be home for christmas, and i can't say i blame her. her welcome wagon to heaven was full of people who loved her. i faked my way through christmas and new years, putting on a happy smile for my kids but inside i was so numb.

i loved my grandma billie, i always felt like i was her granddaughter. i knew who i was, because i knew who she was. its funny because as a young child she scared me, but as an young woman and adult she inspired me. my granny did not have an easy life, EVER. she faced trials in childhood, in her teenage years, as a young adult, as a mother, and as a grandmother. her life story kind of breaks my heart. that being said, you would never ever know that her life had been hard if you had met her. she was always positive, always hard working, always calm and always happy. granny came from good "stock"... the woman she came from, the 5 sisters she grew with, the 3 daughters she bore, and it seems we granddaughters are lucky enough to come from that same stock. the berest woman sock are STRONG women and my grandma was no different, she was the center of it... and a word to wise, don't cross those women when it comes to their kids!

i'll miss so much about my granny billie. her sayings {oh ish, ooftah, oh lordy, for pitys sake, and how she said my name "kenner"},  her signature hand motions, those piercing blue eyes, her love for my jude {her favorite boy ever}, her love of sports, the calmness around her, her smell, her stories & the gossip, her sleeping in an armchair, and her beautiful hands. the spot in heart where she belongs is empty and it cannot be filled, she was a part of me. i miss her. i know because of my faith, that i will see her again and i know she is in a far better place and that she is happy. i can only imagine her reunion with her father who she lost at age 8 and with her best friend and sister katie who was shot and killed by her own husband in her 20's. knowing all of this, makes her loss a little easier but i am still so sad that she is gone. 

i got to spend a lot of time with her while she was here in utah the past year and a half. i will cherish those times always. i only wish i had spent more time, no time with her was ever enough.... i just don't think i realized it then. i was also so lucky to be there after she passed and those memories too are so precious to me, words cannot express. i was lucky all around, to be hers.

rest in peace, my beautiful mother of my mother.

grannie with 2 of her 5 sisters.

a happy grandma billie and my grandpa don

 

a young mother

granny billie and her kids

always, always playing golf. 

her one true passion!

basking in the sun with her cup hot decaf.

granny billie and her boyfriend jude (her words, not mine)

the last time the remaining berset sisters were together, happiness everywhere.

grandma and my beautiful mother, her care taker the past 18 months.

i will miss you and love you and remember you forever.

thank you for being ours.

read her obituary here